Smallville

Episode Report Card
Tippi Blevins: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Oh, the Humanity!
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

First off, I have to give a shout out to Omar G., who bravely recapped this show for an unbelievable eight years. I won't even try to fill your shoes, man. I'll just try them on while I'm playing dress-up.

Previously on Smallville: A decent and fun little show lost its soul but ambled on for several more years, like a zombie, only better-looking. Clark was a crappy dresser and worked at the Daily Planet. Lois befriended Clark's horribly named alter ego, the Red-Blue Blur and made a date to talk to him at midnight. Tess Mercer took over LuthorCorp and the paper. Oliver kaploded someone we're supposed to believe is Lex and got himself on Clark's moral shit list for his troubles. Chloe suggested Clark create a secret identity for himself, and he reacted like this was a crazy idea even though half the people he knows have done exactly the same thing. Lois found the Legion's time-traveling ring and zapped herself to some unknown time while in the middle of a fight with Tess. Tess found a magical Kryptonian orb that couldn't be activated until the "Beast" was dead. Speaking of whom... Davis Bloome had a super-hot physique and turned into Doomsday. The Doomsday part was killed by Clark (I think? The finale was so vague...). The Davis part became human and killed Henry James Olsen out of jealousy over Chloe, but Henry/Jimmy killed him right back with the last of his strength. Chloe got a happenin' penthouse apartment which she christened the Watchtower. Clark blamed himself for the whole debacle and faded off into the sunset, intoning, "Clark Kent is dead."

We sweep over the darkened Metropolis skyline and for a moment I get excited that this might be a Clark POV because he's finally flying. But then I realize there's no way this show has the money to have Clark flitting about on a regular basis. We land in Chloe's apartment. She's on the phone with the cops, informing them that her cousin Lois Lane has been missing for three weeks. In this time, Chloe's gotten a cute little wavy hairdo. She's also wearing a baggy belted shirt that puffs up in such a way that makes me wonder if she's supposed to be pregnant, as some people on the Interwebs have speculated. I think it's just a bad belt choice, though. Chloe stomps over to her computer. She's been calling the police repeatedly, she says, but she hasn't been getting any answers. Then she confesses that she's just hacked into their computer system because they're so unhelpful. Instead of arresting her, they just hang up on her. That'll teach her.

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Smallville

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