Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
Coma Chameleons

The offices of The Torch. Lana, in her investigative trenchcoat, is still trying to place Jason on the morning of his toxin encounter. She and Clark are looking at satellite weather images, from that morning, on Chloe's computer. Clark has it narrowed down to a timeframe of an hour. Lana asks if he can get more specific. While Clark types, Lana bitches about why Jason wouldn't tell her he had a job interview at LuthorCorp. Clark says it may have been a blow to his pride, accepting a job from Lex. Clark knows a thing or two about blows from Lex. Lana sits heavily and tells Clark she's been feeling lately that there's something Jason's not telling her. Clark projects: "Maybe he thought you'd see him differently if you found out." Lana asks if Clark really thinks she's that shallow. He may not. But I do. And so do a damn lot of viewers. Clark doesn't really answer the question. He sighs that it may take Jason a while to get to know Lana as well as Clark does. Something on the computer beeps. It's a weird cloud that suddenly appears, and then disappears west of Smallville. Clark notes that it covered two miles before it dissipated. Clark says it may be a cloud or pollution. Lana says that Chloe's house would be right in the middle of it. She got a new house? "So is LuthorCorp," Clark says, suddenly getting out of his chair.

Lana shakes, and white light shines on her. She turns to look at the source and does a hilarious bit where she's trying to fend off light as the camera closes in on her. It looks like she's a cat trying to keep you away: "Don't look at me, viewers! I'm awful!" From Lana's point of view, we see her hands trying to break through a thin, gauzy sheet. She's suddenly lying on a stretcher in a dry-ice-fogged room. The sheet is pulled away, and Lana looks straight at us. She gets up and sees a row of other bodies covered under sheets. Spooky music is playing. Lights overhead flicker like in Twin Peaks. Lana pulls a sheet off the body closest to her. We don't recognize the face, but based on her reaction and that it's an older woman with dark hair, it's her mother. "Mom...Mom," Lana moans. That woman's dead, all right. A sheet is pulled off the next body. "Dad," Lana informs us. He's got quite the hairy chest. Next up? Chloe! Lana keeps gasping and breathing heavily. She sure didn't seem any more broken up about her supposed best friend. Next body: Jason! Lana starts to cry and puts her hands all over Jason's made-up face. "Lana," a woman's voice says, and I begin to think we'll see a dead Aunt Nell. Since Lana wouldn't consider her death to be anything special, we see instead that it's someone else entirely on a new covered stretcher. Lana walks over. A hand under the sheet grabs her. The body sits up. It's another Lana with witch hair, funky cataract eyes, and awful, awful skin. Shoulda used Neutrogena! "They're all going to leave you," says the dead Lana with the black lipstick. "And there's nothing you can do about it!" They're all going to laugh at you! If the dead people who were leaving Lana all alone to fend for herself were the producers, I could almost buy this scene. Lana screams. A lot.

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