Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
Coma Chameleons

Suddenly, a big ball of fire rips into a wall of the hospital. Another fireball follows, and as people scream, there's dust and rubble everywhere. Equipment and stretchers fly. Car alarms go off. Clark runs to a window and pulls open some blinds. Outside, more fireballs take out a bunch of parked cars. Chaos! Armageddon! Clark, shot in grainy film stock, sees more flaming meteors coming right at him. He turns and puts his arms out. A meteor strikes him right in the back and shatters, sending green Kryptonite flying everywhere. I'm thinking an asteroid made of Kryptonite could probably take Clark out. It turns out that Clark was protecting Lana, who is already in a hospital gown and lying in a bed. She wakes up. Clark, covered in rubble, falls. There are green rocks around him. Nice shot of Lana and Clark as seen through a hole in the wall. Clark, on the ground, begins to look nauseated. Lana gets out of bed and comes around. "It all makes sense," says Lana, who is also covered in dust and grit. She jumps as something explodes behind her. "Help me," Clark gasps. "The meteor shower," Lana says. "You came the same day." Lana says what we've all been thinking since Episode 1: "How could I have been so stupid?" I won't even go into counting the ways. Clark says that the meteor shower is the reason he's there. He tells her he's from a planet called Krypton. He says he wanted to tell her, but didn't think she'd accept him. Lana picks up a piece of Kryptonite that's conveniently shaped like a box cutter. "You're not even human?" she asks Clark. Clark moans. He tells her that stuff makes him sick. "My parents are gone because of you," she says, "and I'm never going to see them again. You killed my parents." Prepare to die. She rears back and stabs him in the chest with the Kryptonite. Stabby Lana! I do hope they make an action figure of her that comes with a knife and action stabbing motion.

Clark wakes up from this nightmare to see he's lying in a hospital bed, but fully clothed. The hospital is still in a panic. Nobody even notices that Clark woke up. "Mom," he says suddenly. Well, all right. Sure. I guess I could see how you'd want your mommy at a time like this. Clark walks quickly down the hallway. The doctor tries to stop him. Clark asks for his parents. Scanlan says that they haven't been admitted, but says that Clark is the first patient to come out of the coma. He asks Clark to sit. Clark says he's fine and begs off. Gee, thanks for your help beating this crisis, you big dumb ASS.

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