Opening credits. We should have let those tornados get Lana.
I pretend to skip past the latest round of Victoria's Secret commercials. I'm a bad liar.
Kent Farm. Hey, animals! Wow, we rarely get to see that. Wait a minute, you mean the New Morgan Edge is Patrick Bergin, who went from being Julia Roberts's husband in a movie to being the Poor Man's Rutger Hauer? How the mighty have fallen. No disrespect meant, of course. In the Barnness of Soon-to-be-Hoyayitude, Clark goes up to the loft and examines some books he doesn't know how to read. A bald head pops up. Clark's like, "Seen it. Done it." But this bald head has some blood around the eye: it's Lex and he looks pretty beaten up. "Lex?" Clark asks. No, it's the other bloody bald guy you keep stashed up here. Lex gets up, wincing. "Are you alone?" he asks. It always starts like this. Clark asks what happened to him. Lex limps over to the other side of the room (he wants Clark to play doctor) and says that somebody tried to kill him the night before. Clark suggests a hospital and/or police. Lex says no on both counts. He says that these people (the ones trying to kill him, not the ones at the police station and the hospital) are professionals. So professional they let you escape from the second-story after having a gun sight right on you? Yes, remind me not to hire them for my next killing. Lex tells Clark how poor Hootie died in the line of duty. I wonder if he'll tell Hootie's wife, or if he'll just let her cry. He only wanted to be with her. Lex says he needs some time to think. And, you know, get a Dirty Sanchez going. Clark asks who would want to kill Lex. Lex says that the less Clark knows, the better. In that case, the world is just dandy. Clark says he can't help if he doesn't know what's going on. Lex tells Clark it's probably his father who's responsible. Clark tries to reason with Lex about it, because it just doesn't sound like a Magnificent Bastard move. Lex says it was either Papa Luthor or The Edge. "Morgan Edge?" Clark asks, and then plays it off by pretending he doesn't know the guy and has only heard about him on the news. Lex says that The Edge survived and has been living underground. Oh yeah, underground, man, I can dig that. Lex says he got a hack plastic surgeon to change his appearance. Hey, Lex, anybody who can turn Rutger Hauer into Patrick Bergin can't be that much of a hack. Although, he probably should have gone for a Kiefer. Clark asks why Edge hates Lex. Lex explains about the crime he knows about that might score Edge and Papa Luthor "The Death Penalty." Lex says that evidence was going to be mailed to the U.S. Attorney that morning.