Smallville Stables, which looks like a convenience store and bait shop from the outside. I have a feeling great things will happen here. Lana walks in about halfway through the episode, which is some kind of record. She's wearing her pink jacket and pink headband. The horses get ready for some action. Lana calls out, "Hello?" Clark surprises her. Lana says she got Clark's message and brought some food. She asks what's up. Clark turns and reveals Lex, who is sitting on the ground looking disheveled and sad. Lana goes to him. She asks what's wrong. Clark says it's possible that Lex is being drugged. Clark says that people are after Lex, and that he couldn't take him to the farm. Lana asks why Clark didn't tell her about this. He just did. Clark says that he didn't want to put Lana in danger again. Lana asks what they're mixed up in. Clark doesn't really know. But he asks Lana to stay with Lex while he goes to look for some evidence with Chloe. Clark says that they think Chloe's being watched too. It's The Paranoid Hour, with Clark Kent! Welcome our guests Oliver Stone, Spike Lee, and Michael Moore. Lex tells Lana not to worry, and that he'll tell her everything. "Be careful. He's not himself," Clark says. "Go," Lana whispers. How I've come to dread that whisper.
Kent truck. Chloe is waiting in her car as Clark pulls up. Clark hands Chloe the bottle of pills and tells her to find out if they could make someone hallucinate. Chloe says she'll get it to her source at the pharmacology lab. Schmancy. Clark also gives Chloe the name of Doctor Unamused, and asks her to do a background check on her and the security guards. Want some fries with that, Clark? Chloe says she (illegally) dug up some of Lex's medical records. She says he's had psycho incidents like this before, including a time in school when he was singing to a blanket right after his brother died. Chloe calls it "bizarro behavior." Tinkly music plays when she talks about that. Chloe says they need to prepare for the possibility that Lex is really going nuts.
The stables. Lex is eating a sandwich. He thanks Lana for coming. Lana pulls out a big shiny Thermos and offers a drink to Lex. Lex is about to sip, and then stops. "What is this?" he asks. "It's chamomile," Lana says, giving a calming tea smile. She says it'll help Lex TO RELAX! Lex scoffs. "Liar," he says, under his breath. "Huh?" Lana says. "LIAR!" Lex throws the Thermos and accuses Lana of trying to drug him. Why must chamomile tea always lead to arguments like this? Lana says she would never do that. She follows Lex down the stable hallway. Lex grabs her and throws her into one of the stable doors, where she busts through and lands hard on the floor. Lex limps out of the stable door. A horse near Lana begins to whinny and buck. Lana tries to crawl away, but the horse has other plans. He stomps on Lana. Repeatedly. Now, I'm not an advocate of violence or anything, but because of this action, we may end up with less Lana on the show and for that reason alone, this horse is a kind of folk hero. Or a concession by the show's producers that everybody's had enough of her. Regardless, this equine hero, who deserves his own show, has been dubbed Meteor the Stompy Horse (tm mmbarnes). He stomps Lana again. And again. Lana lies still on the ground while hundreds of Meteor fan sites go up on the internet. Clark superzips in to find Lana, splayed out on the floor with her leg crooked and the horse thinking, "Yeah, how ya like me now?" Meteor the Stompy Horse shall be the greatest horse who ever lived apart from Captain Oats.