Previously on Smallville: Lois figured out that Clark is the Blur; Hawkman lost his wife and suffered an ancient curse that made him and his wife to reunite and then die in every life; Oliver got kidnapped and tortured again; Chloe traded herself for Oliver's safe return because she loooves him; Lois took a job with Perry White in Africa.
Currently on Smallville: The sands of the African desert are grooving to the beat of some rhythmic drumming. Wind-carved dunes tower over a small gathering of tents. In the distance, a CGI Jeep approaches, bearing no CGI shadow nor leaving any CGI tracks in the CGI sand. The phantom Jeep becomes real as it pulls up to the camp and a tall woman in a headscarf gets out. She squints through the billowing dust, getting her first look at the camp. She unwraps her scarf. It's Lois, of course, and she's whipping out her phone and leaving a message for Perry. "I really hope this story is worth it, because so far my 'dream assignment' is turning into 1001 Arabian Nightmares!" I bet she took the whole ride there coming up with that. Also: shut up, Lois. As she wanders through the camp, she complains about having to ride a camel for eleven hours. It was probably no joyride for the camel, either. She goes on: "As for this newly unearthed tomb of Isis, all I see are some rocks and a couple of tents." Welcome to the world of archaeology! Just wait till you get to all the cataloging and diplomatic red tape. She wraps up her message and then heads into one of the tents. It's quite cavernous inside, and fairly well-appointed, with a smattering of rugs and netting around the cots. "Hello?" she calls out. "Lois Lane, Daily Planet!" She picks up an ancient piece of papyrus scroll depicting Isis and Osiris. At first my inner anthropology major had a minor panic attack, but then I realized it was pretty dumb of someone to have left it out in the first place. "They were star-crossed lovers," a man says behind her. They were also siblings, but times were different then. Carter Hall walks into the tent, looking all hot and scruffy. "I guess you never know what fate has planned for you," he says. The dusty desert air has done wonders for his voice, because now Carter sounds like regular Michael Shanks and not like acid-gargling Michael Shanks. Lois gives him a piercing look, or maybe the sun has burnt out her retinas.
Metropolis. Clark is just showing up to work, phone in hand, leaving Chloe his fourth message without response. "Jor-El warned me some dark force is coming," he says. The world's most observant reporters mill about him without hearing a word. He ends the message saying he needs her help. A nameless colleague hands Clark the day's paper. "Check it out, page three," he says. "Someone hit the big time!" Clark looks at the paper. There's a long-ass article about Lois joining Perry White in Africa, complete with picture. Was it an exceptionally slow news day? Clark frowns. His sadness grows when he spots Lois's empty desk. He hops online and buys a plane ticket to Cairo. Dude, don't be clingy. You're the one who told her to go. In the time it takes him to go to the printer for the receipt, someone new has taken over Lois's desk. She's blond and perky and looks like June Cleaver got into a teleporter accident with Hello Kitty. She perkily introduces herself to Clark as Cat Grant. "No relation to the woman on TV," she says, giving him a gooey homemade cookie baked with twice the sugar. So her diabolical plan is to kill people with diabetes! Evil, yet delicious. She starts redecorating Lois's desk with all manner of pink doodads. She gushes about how excited she is to be working here, after "all those weeks" of working at a small town paper. Clark scoffs even though he was hired with less experience than that. She sets up a (pink) radio and tunes it to someone railing against the "masked, anarchy-loving vigilantes," including the Blur. Cat nods along in agreement. Clark turns off the radio in a fit of pique. Cat extols the virtues of Godfrey, the radio crusader. "He is so right, about everything!"