Stately Luthor Manor. Lex is on the ground, on all fours. But it's not exactly what you think or wish. He's looking under a sofa mattress. A door behind him opens. Ominous music plays. Lex looks up as something creeps behind him. He turns. "Looking for something?" Clark asks. He's holding a huge bouquet of white tulips. The closed captioning reveals the line was supposed to be, "Looking for something lethal?" Oh, man. It's too much! My gaydar explodes in a rainbow crescent of unbelievable HoYay! Clark looks at Lex, smiling over the tulips. This, my friends, is the Gayest Look of the Episode. Lex gets up, to Clark's regret, and says he's looking for his watch. He compliments the tulips. "Yeah, you cleaned us out," Clark says. When did his farm start selling flowers? Didn't MamaKent and Bo Duke have to go buy flowers from Nell in the pilot episode? Clark says that if Lex wants more flowers, he'll have to call Holland. Lex briefly considers a debauched trip to Amsterdam with Clark. "Victoria's favorite," Lex says, sniffing one of the tulips. Suddenly, the flowers are slammed to the floor, and I'm thinking it's Clark reacting to the bit about Boobs, but it's actually our InvisiFriend. Lex and Clark both look scared. Lex gets up off his seat. "What was that?" he asks.
Computer screen. Somebody is logging in to LuthorCorp. And it ain't Lex. Manicured fingers are tapping on a keyboard, so you know it's Boobs McChesty. The hands type "Lex Luthor" as the login and then a password. The hand moves the touchpad over to "Acquisitions."
Back at the love scene that tulips built, Clark says, "You and Victoria must be getting pretty close." He does well in hiding the hysterical, jealous tone. "You seem surprised," Lex says, deliciously. "She just doesn't seem like your type," Clark says, his eyes blazing. Lex chuckles and says sometimes relationships aren't about love. Yeah, like this one time, I had an entire relationship based on custard. Lex says some are based on mutual goals. "Not every girl is Lana Lang," he says. Thank goodness. There'd be no acting awards of any kind for women. Clark plays off his inquisitiveness and admits it's none of his business. Well, damn, Clark, make it your business! Kiss him, you fool! Lex gets up (again) from picking up flowers and says he admires Clark's standards. If it's his standards he admires, why is he staring at Clark's ass? Lex immediately gets back on the floor to look for the watch. Clark tells him that he's decided to fight for Lana. Lex acts happy about that. He asks why. "I decided to take the advice of a friend," Clark says, putting a little too much force into the word "friend." I thought they were "buddies," not "friends." Lex smiles. Clark asks if Lex doesn't have another watch. He says he has hundreds, but this one was given to him by his mother before she died. Clark uses his x-ray vision to look around the room, but doesn't see the watch. He tells Lex that he doesn't see it. "What are you, part bloodhound?" Lex asks. No, but he knows a little bit about doggie-- you know what? Let me skip that joke. Clark says he lives on a farm and is good at finding needles in haystacks. Lex briefly considers finding Clark in a haystack with a needle. Clark offers to go check the library for the watch.