Smallville
Smallville

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B+ | 544 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Nice Not to See You

In the newsroom of The Torch, Chloe puts up a red photo of the word "Leave" on the Wall of Weird. She remarks that it doesn't leave a lot of room for interpretation. They talk about the night's events. Clark says it was weird, the door was shaking, and Lex felt something brush past him. You know, I'll let you in on a little secret: I've seen the rest of this episode, and they never explain why that funky white light was there or why there was shaking. Just so you know. Chloe suggests it might be a poltergeist. Clark says the cops think it's vandals. Rave vandals. Chloe smiles all of a sudden and asks about the blood drive. Clark says he and Lana are getting together that night at her place. "That's very romantic," Chloe says. Yeah. Hanging around the farm is practically Paris. Clark looks away. Awkward silence. Chloe saves it by reminding Clark that once you cross the friendship line, you can't hide behind the "Cloak of Friendship" anymore. She says slyly, "Proceed with caution." Okay, it's official. I don't hate Chloe anymore. She will never be as bad as Boobs McChesty.

Speaking of that tart, we find her on a leather couch with Lex, making out like she's in eighth grade. Oh, wait, maybe she is in eighth grade. That would explain a lot. The couch they're sitting on is this weird honey mustard yellow that looks like it belongs at a university or a doctor's waiting room. In walks my favorite magnificent bastard, John Glover as Papa Luthor. Papa tells Lex that he's disappointed. Lex, smiling, says it's good to see him, too. All the while, Boobs is rubbing Lex about the shoulders like she's some sort of horny hyena. Papa Luthor asks what Boobs is doing there. "Right now?" Lex smirks. "Working on my neck. But knowing her, I think that's just a start." Ew! You don't tell your dad stuff like that! Not even to piss him off. This family is turning into a V.C. Andrews novel. Papa chuckles. "Could this be...a PLOY! To GET my attention?" The way he says "ploy" is to stretch it out as if he's trying to hit the rafters with the word. God, I love John Glover. "Well done. It WORKed," he says. Lex tells Papa that not everything in his life revolves around his dad. Papa Luthor says, "So you're simply...being SWINdled," he says. Lex doesn't seem so chipper after that remark. Boobs protectively throws an arm around Lex. I don't think he needs protection from her unless he's stuck in the ocean and she's the only available flotation device. Papa Luthor asks if "Miss Hard Wick" will excuse them. Tee hee. Papa Luthor says they're going to have a chat about family loyalty. Boobs says that's fine, and that she's going to draw Lex and herself a "bawth." She kisses Lex, then gets up to leave. Ass shot of her walking away, but not before we get a good look at her boobs as she stands. How can objects I normally desire so much seem so disgusting to me like this? As she walks off, Boobs tells Papa Luthor that she'll send her father his regards. "Swell," Papa Luthor says simply. As Papa Luthor messes around on the liquor stand in the corner, I think I spot some blu botol bottles, just waiting for Lex.

Smallville

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