Smallville
Shimmer

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Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
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Nice Not to See You

Next thing you know, they're entering LexStalka's room with the help of her Stalker Mom. Mom is in denial, saying her daughter has been doing badly in school, but wouldn't hurt someone as...well, rich as Boobs. Lex opens up a cabinet and finds a shrine to himself. Pictures, newspaper headlines (including the one about Lex robbing that bank a while ago), heart-shaped frames, the whole deal. I compare it to my Lex shrine and think to myself, "Amateur." There are no pentagrams or goat's blood, so it's pretty standard as love shrines go. "It's like she's been collecting you," Clark says, and I giggle. Who wouldn't want a L'il Lex to carry around in their pocket? Lex pulls out his famous Napoleon watch. Wait. You mean she ran all the way home just to put the watch in a place where it could be found? Is this a whole other day or something? Continuity, people! Mom is shocked. She asks Lex not to call the police. Maybe you should look for that missing silverware while you're in there, Lex. Our beautiful bald man says he's not interested in revenge but that LexStalka' needs help. He even offers to pay for her therapy. What a guy! He asks that they leave the mansion that night. Stalker Mom agrees. Lex closes off the shrine. Clark makes a mental note to make some improvements to his own Lex shrine.

Sunset at Clark's pimp barn. Clark is about to get his Mack on. And I'm not talking about Allison. The sunset through the barn window is so amazingly fake, so showy, you keep expecting Scarlett O'Hara to burst in and tell Clark how tomorrow is another day. "You made it," says Lana, who is standing by the blue screen...er, I mean "window." She's grinning. She says he made it just in time for "the good part." Oh, momma! Clark walks over, mopily. Clark says, looking right at Lana, that "it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." Lana gets all dewy-eyed. She asks if Clark wanted to tell her something the other night. He says he was indeed going to say something the other night. "Nell's not here now," Lana says, leaning in closer. Clark tries twice, but can't say what he really wants to say, even as Lana is looking at him with her big, raccoon eyes. Clark says if he says what he really wants to say, he'll hurt her. "Why don't you take a shot?" she says. Her teeth look really strange in this scene, as if she has clear braces on that are shining in the fake sunset. Lana says she's strong. "Whitney needs to know that too," Clark says. That's it. Clark is officially out of the Men's Club. No manhood for you, kiddo. Lana is confused. She thought Clark didn't want to talk about Jocko. Clark lays out some lame-itudes about how if Lana were his girlfriend, he'd want Jocko to act the same. Jeez. Clark tells Lana that Jocko needs her and that she needs to talk to him. "Clark, why are you doing this?" she asks, clearly flummoxed, or as flummoxed as you can be when you're only up to Chapter 3 of Acting For Dummies. Clark says that it's because he and Lana are friends now, and he doesn't want to lose that. You know, Clark, most guys are trying to get out of the friendship box, not into it. You just messed it all up for the rest of us. Lana nods. She looks out the window. "Look. We missed it," she says of the sunset. Yeah. We get it. Unfortunately, Clark will never get it. Lana exits the barn with not even a kiss on the cheek. How's that friendship feeling for ya there, Clark?

Outside Lex's home. It's a foggy night. LexStalka' goes up to Lex with tears in her eyes and warbles, "I just wanted to feel close to you." Don't we all? Lex doesn't respond. She gets into a car where her and her family's things are packed. Stalker Mom goes up to Lex and apologizes. Lex says it's okay, and tells her to drive safely. After they leave, he pulls out a cell phone, dials, and says he wants to leave a message for Boobs McChesty. As he begins to walk, the phone is knocked out of his hand. Lex spins around. "Who's there?" he asks. "Is it you, Kevin Bacon?" A vapory shape appears in the fog and clocks Lex in the mouth. It disappears again, and we go to commercial.

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