Smallville
Skinwalker

Episode Report Card
Omar G: D+ | Grade It Now!
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She-dogs and cave dwellers

The Barnness Of Gettin' It On-itude. Clark is showing off his big, phallic telescope. He asks if Kyla Ho wants a, heh heh, look. She says she'd rather see it with her own eyes. Yowza. She's wearing some pretty elaborate neck jewelry. Clark asks about the legends. He wonders if they're not just myths like Venus and Apollo. "Just because something's a myth doesn't mean it's not true," she says. That is about the dumbest line ever uttered on this show, and believe me, there was lots of competition for that title. She takes Clark's hand and points it toward the stars. They're standing really really close. She points toward a very bright star and says the surrounding stars make the shape of a wolf's head. She says that one of the eyes is missing. Kyla Ho says her ancestors believe there used to be a star there. She's touching Clark's hands sensuously. If she's not careful, Clark's gonna get excited and accidentally poke her, knocking her out of the barn window. She says that burned-out star is where Numan came from. So it's an interstellar post office, then? All right, Krypton, got it. Clark wonders what happened to it. "You tell me," she tells Clark, "you're the one that fell from the sky." They look into each other's eyes, about to kiss. Lana is suddenly standing right there, wearing her pink parka over a pink shirt with her pink make-up and vaguely pink stare. Clark notices her. She says Clark's message sounded urgent, so she came over. Clark probably subconsciously orchestrated this whole little scene. Talk about manipulative! Lana's smiling the whole time like this is the greatest thing she's ever seen. Clark introduces the girls to each other. Lana says she hasn't seen her before. "I go to Grandville," she says. It's lucky she didn't end up at "Mid-Mediocreville High." Kyla Ho says she's doing research for her grandfather and rescuing any guys who happen to fall into her life. She's had eight Numans this year alone. Lana asks how they met. Clark tells Lana about the caves. But not about the legend thing. Kyla Ho gives Lana a short, but disparaging, look. Clark says he called Lana to find out if she could get her possibly biological dad Henry Small to help protect the caves, being that he's a granola-eating, Birkenstock-wearing tree hugger and all. Kyla Ho says they're the only link to the past. Lana resists a bit, but says she'll ask. "Thank you, Lana," Kyla Ho says, all condescending. "Now go read your Seventeen magazine and leave us horny teenagers down to the business of propagating the mythical species." Clark smiles. He's never had it so good.

Stately Luthor Manor. There's a weird smiling mask thing on the wall. And there's a weird, grimacing, magnificent thing on the treadmill. It's Papa Luthor, and he's sweating up a storm. I have to check the color on TV to make sure he's actually that red. He tells Sheriff Ethan thanks for letting him know about Elder Dude. We pan back to reveal not only Ethan standing nearby wearing what he always wears and eying Papa Luthor in a most unsavory way, but also that Papa Luthor has little hand weights on his wrists. Ethan (Ethan!) leaves, saying hi to MamaKent as she walks in, asking why the police are still involved. Papa Luthor says the police aren't ready to rule the fire at the construction site an accident. He says Elder Dude has a record of civil disobedience. One time, he took too many napkins at McDonald's. MamaKent asks if it might be sabotage. Listen, yo, yo, it is sabotage! Papa Luthor wonders if he should have built his office plaza in Grandville. All right, I'm already sick of hearing about Grandville. MamaKent says her town needs the jobs. She helps Papa Luthor off the treadmill. He's quite the sweaty, lion-esque man. MamaKent says she sent flowers to the foreman's family. And a turkey, because they're probably also malnourished. She also arranged a "condolence call" for Papa Luthor. He says he doesn't want to be perceived as uncaring. MamaKent says she only did it because it's the right thing to do. She also booked an oatmeal-eating appointment. Papa Luthor says there are times when he's around MamaKent that he feels like he's talking to his wife. She doesn't look disgusted by the idea. "She was a lot like you," Papa Luthor says. He says they had unflinching honesty in common. "I miss that," he says. MamaKent looks touched. "Hope I'm not interrupting," Lex says, standing by the door. MamaKent stands and greets Lex. Papa Luthor remembers to hire a hit man to kill his son. Papa Luthor says it's always good to hear his son's voice. He takes a sip of some Ty Nant. Lex half-smiles as MamaKent collects her things to leave. Papa Luthor puts a towel over one shoulder and commends Lex on his hard work with the employee buyout of the Smallville plant. Didn't that happen at the end of last season? "Look at you," Papa Luthor says, walking to his son. He is so faking. He puts a hand on Lex's shoulder and says that Lex is building an empire on his own. He rubs Lex's shoulder with his thumb (ew) and says that their differences shouldn't keep them from working together when it's smart. Lex says he doesn't want to be an investor in the office park. Papa Luthor offers him a partnership in the project. He blames it on sentimentality. Lex counters that sentimentality is a sign of vulnerability. And dialogue desperation. Lex says Papa Luthor's on his own.

Construction site. Dirt is being moved around. Underneath, however, are caves. I keep expecting to see alien ships and skeletons when they pan down below ground like they always do on The Simpsons. Clark and Kyla Ho are examining the cave drawings. Kyla Ho is in full Lara Croft garb. Clark just stands below and shines a flashlight as she stands on an upper rock level. Clark asks what the drawing says. She says that one day Numan will protect the entire world. She can't read those drawings by herself! There's a sudden rumbling. Clark says it might not be safe in the cave. Kyla Ho invites Clark up to see something. Kyla Ho shows him Ziget, who is like a brother to Numan. Got all that? Ziget looks like a red dinosaur head with the body of a snake. Kyla Ho says Ziget will one day turn against Numan, and they'll be the balance between good, evil, and cheese. Cheese, of course, will win the final battle. Kyla Ho takes a photo. Clark sees a drawing of a woman. "Who's that?" Clark asks. Kyla Ho, standing right next to it, says it's the woman he's destined to be with. A drawing just below the picture of the woman looks just like a bracelet Kyla Ho is wearing. She says it was handed down through the women in her family. Rumbling. Rocks start to fall. Kyla Ho loses her footing and falls. Clark superzips down a level and catches her before she lands. A huge slab of rock falls. Clark looks up at it, lays Kyla Ho down, and hovers over her, letting the rock break on his back. It shatters in CGI. Clark is now lying on top of Kyla Ho, two inches from her mouth. She's not complaining. She only nods. As they get up, she asks how Clark did that. "Just adrenaline, I guess," Clark says. Adrenaline and alien birthing. She asks if Clark shoots fire out of his eyes, too. Clark doesn't answer. "Oh, my God," she says, annoying me again. She says she was just joking. "You really are Numan," she says. Clark doesn't know what he is, he says. He notices that she's not very freaked out. Kyla Ho says she knows what it's like to be different. Like being the one actress who tried out for the part who'd never had any training. She puts her hands on his shoulders and says it's all right. She says she's had feelings for Clark the last few days. She says Clark tries to use logic and reason to explain things, but he should just give in. Clark thinks about running away and into Lex's arms at that moment, but figures it'd just be easier for now to stay here and kiss her. So he does. And it's not a bad kiss, either.

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