Smallville

Episode Report Card
Omar G: D+ | 1 USERS: F
YOU GRADE IT
Double-O-Lame-O

The Talon apartment. They drove all the way back to Smallville? Again? Jimmy wants to take Chloe to the hospital because he thinks she almost died. Chloe insists that she's fine. Jimmy demands an explanation of what just happened. Chloe asks him to look at his files. "Or should I say my files," she tells him. Aren't they the government's files? Chloe is mad that Jimmy stole from her. Jimmy says he was coerced by the feds. "Did you really think I was a government agent?" he asks. "Did you really think I was a terrorist spy?" she retorts. Eek. Touché. Jimmy says she didn't give him a choice. Jimmy says she had enough touchy information to start a nuclear war. Chloe scoffs, saying sarcastically that her plan was to nuke the whole thing and start over. If you're talking about doing that to the show, I'm totally in favor. Chloe, by the way, has no evidence of any bruising or blood, just a tiny, tiny scratch above her eyebrow. No puffy lip. No black eye. I guess she can heal herself. Chloe asks why Jimmy didn't just come to her like a normal boyfriend. He kind of tried, you know. Just sayin'. Jimmy says he's being lied to by the girl he thinks he's in love with. Chloe's expression softens. She admits she lied. She apologizes. Jimmy asks if this is the part where a sad song comes on and they break up again. I don't know, do you want to hook up your iPod to the Yaris and play a sad song for us? Wuss? Jimmy says he's not going to make it that easy this time. What, are you gonna play some Dave Matthews? That would make things more difficult, for sure. Chloe looks pained. Chloe says they're going to find her and lock her away regardless. She tells Jimmy to just fire away. She tells Jimmy to ask whatever he wants. He kisses her instead. Right on the bed. It's getting' horny up in here. He asks her if she wants that more than she wants Clark. Chloe answers by kissing back. They start making out. Jimmy interrupts to say that nobody's coming after them. "How?" Chloe asks. Jimmy says he's got his own secret about that. More kissing. They lay down on the bed as the incidental music ends on a flourish. Jimmy is giving her 007 right now.

Commercials. Have I mentioned how much I like Reaper?

Zurich, Switzerland. We get an establishing shot that shows a much lovelier skyline than the one we usually see for Metropolis. A safety deposit box has been brought out for Lex. "Mr. Luthor. Your box," a beefy man says. He has no Swiss accent. And he looks like the guy who took out Va-Gina the Baroness last week. Lex takes the box and enters a room. Dark red curtains are drawn behind him. If a dancing midget comes out and Angelo Badalamenti music starts to play, I might just lose my mind. The room has a very nice desk with two tiny lamps on it. From overhead, we see Lex sit down with the safety despot box. Lex slides open two panels in the front of the box and inserts his hard-won keys. The lock snaps open. Lex opens the metal box. It appears empty. Ha ha! Sucker! Lex feels around the box. He finds a false panel. It opens to reveal an envelope. It's a Starbuck's gift card. Enjoy your lattes. Try the muffins. Lex opens the folded envelope, which bears the big Veritas wax seal. Inside is a metal plate with five circular compass wheels on it. Hey, it's like those code wheels we used back in the day as copy protection on computer games. Lex moves the circles around until a grey "V" is formed. Seriously? People died for a decoder wheel you'd find in a box of Cheerios? In the metal plate, Lex notices movement behind him. Lex reacts quickly enough to stop someone from choking him with what appears to be a piano wire. The man who gave Lex the box is trying to strangle him. Lex grabs the deposit box and uses it to hit the guy in the head. He goes down. "You aren't one of them," the man says. Lex cracks him again with the box, right in the face. Ouchies! The man falls, his head bloodied. Lex takes the map and gets the Hell out of there.

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Smallville

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