Smallville

Episode Report Card
Omar G: D+ | 1 USERS: F
YOU GRADE IT
Double-O-Lame-O

Isis. We see from the inside that Jimmy is hovering just outside the door. He kneels down and messes with the doorknob. He manages to open the lock with a simple thin piece of metal. "Sweet!" he says. It's not much of a lock, Jimmy, don't be too impressed with yourself. Jimmy uses some sort of blue laser to open the supposedly secure metal doors to Lana's secret computer lair. He sits down and starts typing. A giant box says, "SPYWARE INSTALLING." Thanks, Spyware! You would think there'd be security cameras in this place that could read such large text on the screen. Jimmy doesn't seem to find anything interesting. Then, all of a sudden, information boxes pop up with links to confidential government information, including stuff from the National Security Agency. "What are you up to, Chloe?" Jimmy asks. No good? Jimmy continues to type.

The Talon. Clark is sitting in Chloe's apartment, reading a book. It's called, "Directing For Non-Actors." He's just started. Chloe, who must hate all this driving back and forth to Metropolis, says she got Clark's text. She couldn't have called him on the way? Clark tells Chloe she needs to read something. It's Swann's journal. Chloe says she can't read Kryptonian. Well, she hasn't bothered to try to learn, has she? Clark says there's a page in the journal that wasn't there before. Helpfully, there's a notation on the page that says, " '89." Even Kryptonians recognize that 1989 was a bitchin' year. They liked Love and Rockets, too! Chloe says that this couldn't have just magically appeared. Clark says that those were the only transmissions from Jarnelle from before Clark got to Earth. Clark says there's no way he missed a page. Chloe notes that Clark's greatest ability is being able to give her a look that wins her over even though he sounds completely ridiculous. Clark isn't amused by that. But he's happy to have convinced her. Chloe asks if Clark can translate the page. Clark says that even Swann notes the transmissions are distorted and incomplete. Are you sure he's not talking about the script for this episode? Clark suddenly notices something on the page. He looks very serous, all of a sudden. "This transmission says 'Save Lana at Fortress.' " Oh, give me a fucking break. Quick! The beach photo! Ah, beautiful waves. Sweet sand. Now, Clark, are you sure it doesn't say, "Your Mama was Gorgeous!" or "Give Lois a Wedgie?" Chloe says that's impossible. If it was sent in 1989, Lana would have only been 3. Chloe asks why he'd send something about her. Because the universe revolves around her, including Kypton, silly woman. Clark says it's time he went to Jarnelle and found out. Chloe tells him this could be a trick. She says Clark's dad turned him into a Popsicle recently and isn't his best ally right now. "The next time I hold Lana's hand, I want to tell her I did everything I could to save her." Beach photo! Stare into it! Put the kitty picture next to it for good measure. Pretend the kitty is walking alongside the surf. Clark says he's willing to go up against Jarnelle to save Lana. Good luck with that, dope.

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Smallville

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