Episode Report Card
Omar G: D+ | 1 USERS: F

Kent Farm. Clark is in the barn, taking the Octagonal Space Artifact of Cheap and Hassle-Free Travel out of its book cut-out. Clark holds it up. Jimmy suddenly shows up and Clark sneakily puts the octagon in his pocket before Jimmy can notice. "Hey, C.K.!" Jimmy calls. Clark says he was on his way out. Jimmy says that he had to ask for directions twice and spent a half a tank of gas to get out here, but it's all right. Fine, Jimmy, what the Hell do you want? Jimmy thinks Clark can help with a problem. Jimmy, vague, says he has a friend who's keeping a really, really big secret. Humongous. Clark asks how Jimmy found out about the secret. Jimmy says it's hard to be around someone with crazy skills and not think something's up. Clark is worried. Jimmy says he did a little digging. He says what he found is freaking him out. Clark says he doesn't know where Jimmy's getting his information, but he can explain. Jimmy says the person he thought he knew isn't whom she says. "She?" Clark asks. Jimmy asks why you'd lie to someone you care about. "To protect them," Clark answers. Oh, go fuck yourself with that bullshit. Clark asks if it's more important to know what's truly in someone's heart to know if you can trust them. Jimmy nods and sees some reason. But that doesn't stop the stupid bullshit that is the rest of the episode.

Commercials. I wish giant Cheezit cheese wedges really did fall from the sky. As long as, you know, they didn't crush people underneath their heavenly curds.

The Fortress of Iceitude! Clark comes in hollering for Jarnelle. Clark yells that Jarnelle mentioned Lana in his last transmission. Are you sure it wasn't a distress signal warning you to kick her the fuck off the show? "WHY!?" Clark demands, "tell me how to save her!" Jarnelle is in bed, hiding under the covers, thinking, "Thank God I'm screening my calls." There's a bright burst of light as the camera needlessly dips from overhead to show Clark's surprised face. "Kara," he says. We hear Kara's voice as if it's coming from the Poltergeist TV set. She says, "Please, help me." Run toward the light, Kara-Ann! Clark yells at Jarnelle, asking why he's doing this to Kara. Bitch, I ain't done shit. Your father's trying to nap. Go away. The transmission is garbled, but Clark tries to hear. Kara says, "Help me. Help me save you, Kal-El." Help Jerry Maguire help you, Clark! Kara says, still garbled, that Braniac wants to kill Clark. Ya think? Clark asks where they are. "I went back," she says, "I'm on Krypton." Oh. Snap! "Krypton," Clark repeats. That sounds far. Maybe she said, "Cleveland." That sounds more plausible.

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