Episode Report Card
Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
The Smallville Sleeps Tonite

The Fortress of Album Pimpitude. Another R.E.M. song plays as Lana shows up in the loft, wearing a bold solid blue top. Clark says he's finally gotten some sleep and is now studying for that pesky History exam. He asks how Lana is feeling. She's got a really dark tan. She says she feels pretty stupid. He says that what she did was really brave. No, Clark, it was really stupid. Clark blah blahs about how Lana believed in him, he'll never know just what she sees in him. And who knows -- maybe, on some special night...if his song is right...wait, that’s Kenny Rogers. Lana says she finally met Dreamy. All the girl could talk about was Clark. Lana says she'd love to switch places and find out what goes on in Clark's head. Lana has officially turned the corner and become a Psycho Hose Beast Stalker. Lana says that maybe then she'd know why things between them.... She trails off. I yawn. Clark says that if he had the answers up here (he points vaguely toward his skull), Lana would be the first to know. Such. Utter. Bullshit. Lana says that the last few days, she's felt like the girl next door. Well, that's because she's been skulking around their porch all week. Next she's going to build a little mattress fort outside the barn. Clark tells Lana she'll always be the girl next door. I'm not sure that's exactly a compliment. Lana asks if they can do something this weekend -- you know, as friends. You broke up! BROKE UP! You're broken up! Stop it stop it stop it! Goddammit, you broke up! It's so unfair. Clark asks what Lana had in mind. Lana says it's been an oven outside in late October. She flaps her arms and suggests that they go to Crater Lake. Clark says he doesn't think skinny-dipping is a good idea. He doesn't? In disgust, Lana asks, "Who said anything about skinny-dipping? Maybe in your dreams, Clark." Yes, that's the prudish, annoying Lana we love to hate. Welcome back, Reality Lana. How I hate you. Lana waves goodbye. Clark looks down at his long-gone ghost of an erection. It's the end of the recap as we know it, and I feel fine.

In case you were wondering: The WB wants you to buy R.E.M.'s Greatest Hits album. Commercials: In case you needed another reason to love Target, they're using a Roy Orbison song in their ads. God, I love Target. And while you're shopping there, pick up a copy of Roy's Greatest Hits and listen to "In Dreams." It's about the most perfect song there is.

Next week: Michael McKean (Mr. Annette O' Toole!) as Perry White! I don't care how bad the episode might be, that is BAD-ASS. I love you, I love you, I love you Michael McKean. (Gushing to be continued next week.)

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