Smallville
Smallville

Episode Report Card
Omar G: C | 756 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Mystery Sinus Theater

A Metropolis building we haven't seen before. It's got a giant clock at the top. Papa Luthor opens a very industrial elevator leading to a large warehouse-like area. Inside is a mondo industrial office, apparently located right at the top of the clock. Papa walks over to a desk and sees a large photo frame. He picks it up. A happy WASPy couple is holding up a small boy in their arms. Behind them is a giant yacht with the name "Queen Industries" on it. Someone stands behind Papa Luthor in the shadows as Papa chuckles. "Lionel Luthor," says the spiky-haired young blond dude who, if things had gone differently, would have been fighting sea serpents on a weekly basis for our amusement. The young man compliments Papa Luthor on his fine aging as Papa stays amused; he asks Papa's secret. "Perhaps I should give some credit to a nightly nip," Papa says. Not a nip of brandy, but rather an actual human nipple, cut fresh and devoured at midnight. Mmm, that's good nip. Papa Luthor opens a box and hands over a bottle of forty-year-old Highland Scotch, which he says helps cut the stress. "Welcome to Metropolis, Oliver," Papa adds. Oliver appreciates the gesture and says that Papa has always been so generous. Papa Luthor says that he got very curious when he saw the headlines saying that Oliver Queen was moving to Metropolis. News of a major Queen coming to town interested Lex even more.

Papa exposits that Oliver has made such a name for himself in Star City: "Why would you relocate?" Oliver says that he loves the views and the crisp Midwestern air. Papa shakes his head. He doesn't buy that. Papa asks whether Oliver has touched base with Lex yet. Oliver says that he's been meaning to; he asks how Lex is doing and whether he's stepped out of Papa's shadow yet. Papa says that Lex has changed a lot since his boarding school days with Oliver. Oliver says that Papa has inspired him to call Lex: "Yeah," he says unconvincingly, "I'll call him today." Papa says it seems Lex has been abducted. This clearly says, "My son is missing, but I have time to come here and chit-chat with you, so watch your ass, Oliver." Oliver acts surprised. "My God," he says flatly. Wow, now I know why he'd have made a good Aquaman. In the water, he wouldn't have had to talk. Papa remembers Oliver's performances in school plays, purring, "You were always so good...so convincing." Oliver steps forward and says that he's involved in lots of business ventures, but that kidnapping isn't one of them. How about shooting dudes in the arm? That must be pretty lucrative. Shooting off dicks? Very profitable. Papa tries to stare Oliver down. He remembers that Lex and Oliver had a bad history together in school. Papa also knows that Queen Industries had the only working satellite on Dark Thursday. How did that happen? "Hmph," Oliver says. Papa says he knows that Oliver has suffered a lot in his young life: "If you have so much as laid a hand on Lex, the word 'suffer' will take on a whole new meaning to you." The Magnificent Bastard walks to the elevator on that smooth line. "Sounds like a threat," Oliver says. "Have a pleasant stay in town, Oliver," Papa says as the elevator door closes, "however brief it is." Oliver just stands there and slowly craps his pants as dramatic music plays to a crescendo.

Smallville

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