Smallville
Sneeze

Episode Report Card
Omar G: C- | 1 USERS: F
YOU GRADE IT
Mystery Sinus Theater

A country road. Someone is jogging. It's Lois Lane, wearing tiny blue shorts and an even tinier blue sports bra. She's also has an armband music player and headphones. Is it really wise to wear that kind of get-up in rural Kansas? A giant piece of barn lands next to the road, just yards from where Lois is running. So close! Lois stops and looks around. She's seriously spooked. So are her boobs. They're like, "Protect us! All we've got is this tiny layer of lycra!" We go straight from here to the opening credits.

Commercials. Geez, how many times are they going to remake Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Are there even that many chainsaws in Texas?

Grassy fields with the Metropolis skyline way off in the distance. Someone's driving next to an overpass. It's Lex, in a sporty white Mercedes convertible, driving past a graffiti-blasted ghetto. Lana, wearing a white outfit, sits next to him. Lex says that, for someone about to change addresses, Lana is traveling pretty light. He gestures to her one big suitcase in the back seat. Lana says that she doesn't need much, since the move is temporary. In the rearview, Lex notices a dark vehicle, which of course means that he's being followed. Lana mentions that the schools (Metropolis U.?) should be open next semester. Wow, they shut the whole college down? Lana says that it was nice of Lex to offer her a room at the mansion. What is she, eleven? Can't she share Lex's bedroom? I thought they were luvahs. Lana says she's not sure what she would have done otherwise. She could have kicked Lois out of The Talon. Lex is fixated on the rearview. Lana takes his silence as a form of aggression, and asks whether he's having second thoughts. If it were Lana coming to live with me, I'd be on my eighth and ninth thoughts. Lex sees a big SUV drive hastily off the road. Unconvincingly, he says that there's nothing to talk about, because everything is great. Peachy! Tinkly music of relationship trouble plays.

Kent home. Clark is sitting in the dining area with a thermometer in his mouth. He's 100,000 degrees! MamaKent asks if it was the first time Clark had ever sneezed. He says yes, and that it's also the first time he's had a scratchy throat, and the first time his ears have been all plugged up. He's allergic to The CW! This is a disaster! His actual temperature is 98.6. Clark says that he's no doctor (fucking thank God), but that he thinks it's just a common cold. And he has no basis for this diagnosis whatsoever. Clark takes a Kleenex from a box, but I'm not sure how that's going to do anyone in his sneeze path any good. ["What if it was a Kleenex made of Kevlar?" -- Wing Chun] MamaKent doesn't remember Clark ever being sick. He says that he's never pushed himself so far into overdrive before. MamaKent says that when Clark was in "that zone," he lost his powers. She suggests that his immune system could have been down, causing him to catch something there. Ew, Phantom Cooties. Clark says that he's not really that sick. MamaKent hands him a cup of what I'm assuming is hot tea.

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Smallville

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