In a new first -- an episode named after a bodily function (coming in Season 7: "Piss") -- Clark comes down with a cold after exhausting himself trying to repair the damage from last week's apparently not-so-bad worldwide cataclysm. This is unusual, but signals a new power: the ability to sneeze the shit out of doors and people and papers. Clark's sneezing blows a barn door into the air and out to a field near where Lois is jogging, causing her to try to figure out why barn doors fall from the sky. (That was our collective will, Lois, trying to crush you. It didn't work.) She launches an investigation. Meanwhile, Lana moves in with Lex because her dorm is all messed up to hell. Lex is a little paranoid because somebody is following him. That somebody kidnaps him and tries to torture him to find out why he recently had superpowers. Lex doesn't remember anything about his Zod episode, and has no answers except the obvious one: aliens from another dimension. So they shoot him in the arm. Lana finds a security video of herself undressing in her new room. It makes her feel oogy. Papa Luthor enlists Clark's help to find the missing Lex. They're both worried that Lex will spill Clark's secret. Nice concern, dicks. He also threatens an ex-classmate of Lex's who has set up shop in town and is actually responsible for the kidnapping. He looks a lot like that dude from the Aquaman pilot. Wait, it is the dude from the Aquaman pilot! Chloe and Clark try to find Lex. Lana and Clark fight like it's 2002. Lana gets her dumb ass abducted while trying to find Lex herself, and she and Lex end up in a warehouse inferno. Clark saves them by converting his mighty sneeze (with Chloe's help) to a giant blow, putting out the flames. Lana, not too glad to be alive, bitches about the security cameras, and Lex says, "Don't try to change me, babe. I'm like the wind." Chloe and Clark prepare to go on a sorta date, and Clark literally parts the clouds with his purty mouth. Also, was it just my TV, or did you guys hear a big click toward the end of the episode? It was like, "CLICK!" Oh, wait...that was just the world's biggest lightswitch being flicked because Lois suddenly has decided, after having her barn door story published in The Inquisitor, that her life's ambition is to be the world's greatest journalist. Too bad she'll have to kill Chloe for that to happen.
Disaster! We open on a television showing the smoking ruins of civilization with a news broadcast calling it "Dark Thursday: The Recovery." First of all, how bad a national disaster could this be if news stations are still broadcasting and citizens still have enough electricity to watch their TVs? Also, "Dark Thursday"? Is that like "Casual Friday" but with little black tights? On the TV, a not-very-good local reporter is saying that the Pentagon is denying that there was a break-in during the disaster. In the foreground, someone is pouring coffee into a very familiar bovine-themed mug. As MamaKent sips her coffee, the woman on the news says that the national recovery will take years, but that the recovery in Metropolis has been remarkably swift.
Speaking of remarkably swift, Clark superzips across the farm and enters through the front door. MamaKent asks whether Clark has been out all night. "I can't do what I need to do in the daylight," he says glumly. Dirty! MamaKent says she knows that he wants to help, but he can't single-handedly rebuild everything that's been destroyed. What if he uses both hands? Clark says that it's his mess, and that he needs to clean it up. MamaKent tells him that he's not responsible for what happened. Except for the part where he summoned the Dogs of Hell, of course. MamaKent says that it's Zod's fault. Stupid Zod! Clark looks at her like he's been slapped, and stiffly says that Zod would not have been released if he'd listened to Jarnelle for once. Stupid Jarnelle! And, uh, stupid Clark for not listening to stupid Jarnelle! Yeah! Stupids! "I have chores to do," Clark says, all mopey. Oh, poor you, Clark. At least your house didn't get destroyed. Clark looks winded. He leans on the kitchen table and somehow doesn't break it. MamaKent asks if he's all right. Clark hesitates, and then says he's fine. MamaKent says that she's never seen Clark this worn out, and that even he has his limits. We've seen him plenty worn out whenever there happens to be a green rock around. MamaKent says that Clark's chores can wait. "Really, I'm fine," Clark mumbles, before going outside.
The Barnness of Toilitude. Clark is hammering nails to build a set of stairs, but using his hands as the hammer. He breathes heavily and doesn't seem to be doing it right. He's also sweaty. Sudden close-up. Clark's face twitches. His nose wiggles. My God: he's having a Big Mac Attack! Quick! Get him two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame-seed bun! No, wait, it's just a sneeze. But it blows the barn doors right the fuck off their hinges, sending them flying! What mighty snot hath torn the world asunder? Clark stares at the open frame where the doors used to be, wide-eyed. Er...Gesundheit?