Smallville
Solitude

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Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Win A Car While MamaKent Dies

MamaKent thanks Lois again as Lois backs out the driveway and drives away in her Ford Fusion. MamaKent looks admiringly at the Ford Fusion before turning away, averting her eyes reluctantly from the magnificent engineering that is...the 2006 Ford Fusion. Come back, Ford Fusion! We already like you better than Lois! As MamaKent walks toward the house, a tiny decorative windmill starts to spin, making the little black farm worker attached to it chop chop chop with his axe. Chop, little black man, chop! MamaKent frowns at it, thinking, "When did we buy that?" Shelby the dog starts to bark. It gets windier. Chop chop! In the sky behind MamaKent, three lights begin to swirl, forming what looks like a spaceship. They combine into a single bright light that turns orange and grows as it heads toward her. MamaKent turns and is blasted by a giant fireball. I'm just glad that the 2006 Ford Fusion was able to get away before it was damaged.

Clark Kent is up in the barn loft reading Keeping a TV Show Together for Dummies (BDA Edition) when the whole room turns bright orange. Clark just sits there, doltish, not using his powers of hearing, movement, or x-ray vision to figure out what the hell is happening. No, sitting is good, Clark. You just keep on with that. The room shakes, and then everything goes back to normal. Clark finally superzips out of the room.

Outside, Clark sees MamaKent lying on the ground and her groceries lying everywhere. Goddammit, Ma, the Eggos are thawing out! Clark goes to her and lifts up her head and torso. Crrraaaaaacckkkk! He asks her to wake up. Did you pick up Crunch 'n Munch, ma? Well did you?! MamaKent wakes up and says, weakly, "I must have fainted." The 2006 Ford Fusion. It's so...overwhelming. It gave her the vapors. MamaKent touches her head and says she hasn't eaten anything all day. It's not like she works in a coffee shop where there are snacks all around her to provide precious sustenance. Clark asks what that sound and light was all about. Don't you have superpowers, dumb-ass? Couldn't you have just looked around when it was happening? MamaKent asks what Clark is talking about. Mysterious music plays as Clark looks up at the sky. The constellation Homonius is now getting it on with tongue.

Opening credits. What, no 2006 Ford Fusion in the cast list? You disappoint me, Smallville.

Commercials. In case you hadn't heard, there's a car that's all new called the Ford Fusion. It will help you put your life in Drive. (If you really want to get a sense of ridiculously convoluted Gen-X/Y marketing gone mad, check out the official website. It will choke your internets.)

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Smallville

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