Countess Lana is bemused. She tears open Clark's shirt. She starts to chant at him, and I've given up on translating. Something about Evanescence and potato chips. A cold wind tosses the hair and cleavage of our subordinate witches as Countess Lana places her palms on Clark's big chest, and a burst of energy flows out of him toward the ceiling. Hey, I think Tron was in there. Countess Lana stands up and has a magic orgasm. "It is done," she says, satisfied. Now can somebody get her one of those clove cigarettes? She says that Clark's powers are gone. The three of them stand up, leaving Clark and his splayed crotch open on the floor as big, overly dramatic music plays. My wife in the kitchen mumbles about how stupid this all sounds. That's why I married her, folks.
Commercials. Oh, America. Sometimes I think you're better than Blue Collar Comedy, but then sometimes -- like, say, a few weeks after an election -- I watch one of Jeff Foxworthy's buddies get knocked in the nuts by a baseball bat and I start to think that maybe we've gotten exactly what we deserve. In other commercials news: Victoria's Secret is still making bras.
Back in the barn. Clark is strung up in heavy-looking chains to a rafter. He's bare-chested and powerless. "He awakens," says Briana-Lois. So they just stood there and watched him until he woke? I guess that is a pretty torso. He asks what they did to him. Were there...(sniff, sob)...handjobs involved? Maddie-Chloe says they just made sure he wasn't a threat. She calls him "sorcerer." Clark denies that he's a warlock. Countess Lana says that he's something else. She could sense it when "[his] magics were ripped from [his] body." I can't make this shit up, people. If I could, I'd be a rich man, apparently. "I can taste it on you," Countess Lana says. We cut to Briana-Lois, which is a bad idea, because her makeup isn't looking so hot right now. Countess Lana says that Clark must know about the three stones of power. While he was asleep, they took turns kicking him in two of them. Clark lies that he's never heard of them. Torture! Torture him!