Smallville
Spell

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Next on Charmed...er, "Smallville..."

Lana's apartment. Jason -- who is somehow still in town despite the common sense I assume he possesses -- is looking at the spell book. The fireplace suddenly flares behind him, and Countess Lana is standing in the hallway, telling him he really shouldn't play with that. She says he might hurt himself. Jason says he heard the girls were the life of the party the night before. But did you see Clark dance? Lord have mercy. Countess Lana says it's one last fling before she finishes what she started a long time ago. Jason finally clues in. "Who are you?" he asks. "Kiss Kajagoogoo?" Countess Lana asks. Jason asks if it's the Countess. "In the new flesh," she says. Jason asks what she did with Lana. Please say, "Ended her contract early." Please say, "Ended her contract early." "She's in here somewhere," Countess Lana says instead. Dammit! Jason asks if she could let her out. Yeah, stick her in a ferret or a turtle or something. Countess Lana just hoots with laughter. She asks why she would ever do that. Jason has to really think about that one. He says that all this started with Lana acquiring the spell book. He reaches for the plastic candle lighter and threatens the book. He could have just thrown it in the fireplace, but oh well, too late. Countess Lana makes a pulling gesture with her hand and, in a slick little camera move, Jedis the book to her and out of Jason's hands. "You have no idea what you're dealing with, little man!" Countess Lana says. "Little man" is good, but "wee man" might have been even better. She makes a hand motion to her right, yells, "Assume it's gay!" and Jason is picked up by invisible forces and thrown against the wall. The "wallpaper" on the wall ripples amusingly. "Zoom-zoom!" Countess Lana yells, invoking the fury of the Mazda gods. Jason is pulled up the wall, and his head bangs the ceiling. A nice breeze blows her hair as Countess Lana tells Jason that he's but an insect on her path. Resist her, grasshopper! Countess Lana gets her little purple orb on, and Jason writhes in pain. She cackles.

Clark walks in. I fully expect him to say, "Oops, am I interrupting?" and leave sheepishly, but that's not really the Big Dumb Way. "Lana, no!" Clark yells. Countess Lana sees him and gestures to her right, sending Jason flying through the window. Clark superzips out of there and catches Jason on the street outside. Clark asks if he's all right. Jason is pretty out of it. We hear something crackle. Clark looks up and sees a huge purple flaming sign that says "The Barn Midnight." You know, she could have just left a voicemail.

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Smallville

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