Smallville
Spell

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Next on Charmed...er, "Smallville..."

Kent farm. Sunflowers! Lex's favorite. Inside, Clark is clumsily wrapping a big present for Chloe with shiny blue paper and red ribbon. It looks like it was wrapped by a lemur with epilepsy. "Maybe you need a woman's touch," says Countess Lana, who is standing in the living room and entered unannounced. Thanks, lady, but I'm pretty sure what Clark needs is a man's touch. Gently, so as not to further wound the girl who thinks he just betrayed her, Clark stands and says, "Heeeey Lana." There's no other word for it: Countess Lana saunters into the room and notices that's a big box he's got there. Clark tells her it's a gift for Chloe. "I’m sure she'll love it," Countess Lana says, "especially if it's from you," all Mae West. Clark gives her a funny look, then says he wanted to talk to her about Jason. She tells him not to worry; it's just water under a very...tall...bridge. She's mackin', seventeenth-century style. We see she's holding a big pair of scissors behind her back, and she gets up in his face. Clark sits down and asks if she's feeling all right. He says she seems a little different. "Maybe it's the company," she says. Wha? She puts a hand on his cheek. "Jason's my friend," Clark tells her. The friend who's not speaking to you anymore? Inches from Clark's lips, Countess Lana says, "Well, he doesn't think so." Before they kiss, Countess Lana reaches around and tries to cut some hair from the back of his head. Clark moves away awkwardly and asks what she's doing. She lies, quickly and efficiently, that she needs a lock of his hair for a scrapbook she's making for Chloe's birthday. "All you had to do was ask!" Clark tells her, annoyed. "Well, where's the fun in that?" Countess Lana asks. She's way more fun than Lana. Countess Lana holds up the scissors, which no longer work. She asks what happened to them. "They were already broken," Clark says lamely. Clark pulls an imaginary hair out of his own head and asks her if that's enough. Countess Lana examines it and says, of his virginal hair, "It's perfect!" She thanks "Handsome" and saunters back out. Clark, like Jason, thinks, "Man, that is one seriously fucked-up chick."

Stately Luthor Manor, but without the establishing shot. A pair of hands clad in a purple shirt are furiously playing piano, a tricky passage known as "The Gargantuan Pleasure Flute in 8 1/2 Measures," by Schubert. It's our favorite bald bad-ass Lex Luthor, and he's got some classical chops. He finishes the piece just as Countess Lana is walking in. "You play beautifully," she tells him. She apologizes for the interruption, but says she wanted to ask a favor. Lex should get out of the LuthorCorp business and just set up a favor shop in his den like Lucy Van Pelt and her advice stand. He asks when he's ever been able to refuse a favor to Lana Lang. Countess Lana asks for a good bottle of wine for Chloe's birthday. Lex says he didn't know it was Chloe's twenty-first birthday yet. Lana says she wanted to raise a glass with Chloe and Lois. She promises, with batting eyelashes, not to tell anyone where she got it and says it'll be their little secret. Lex says he has a nice light Riesling he could spare that won't do much damage. As Lex moves to get it, Countess Lana says she'd rather have a vintage merlot, somewhere from the south of France, perhaps in the Montblahblah or the Rue de Blah Blah region. Lex says that her tastes have matured from a summer in Paris. Not really; she's still listening to Ace of Base. Lana eyes the manuscript page still on display that was supposed to have been locked away in a LuthorCorp vault a few weeks ago.

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Smallville

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