Episode Report Card
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In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

This episode was called "After the Prom" by the WB, but as near as I can tell, there was no "After" anything. Were they talking about Jack & Bobby? Your local news broadcast? Did the promo department even watch the episode? Magic 8-Ball says, "My Reply is No."

We do indeed open on the prom. The strummy, crappy strains of Lifehouse are playing. Sadly, there's no life in this house. The camera cranes down on people dancing. The lead singer/guitarist on stage is thinking, "If we play our cards right, in a few years we could be as big as Remy Zero! Look what appearing on Smallville did for them!" The Big Banner Committee has outdone itself with "Smallville High Prom: Look to the Stars," a banner creation featuring drawn-on stars and a cursive font I shall dub "Laverne Serif." The people on the dance floor look very confused. Do we dance slow to this? Or weave side to side? Breakdance? Some people look like they're trying to do all three at once. The singer, sporting a dark sports jacket over a t-shirt, sings about how memories can't be erased, and he knows because he tried. It turned out that Eternal Sunshine movie was only fiction.

As the song continues playing, we see someone's feet as they clomp down a high-school hallway. The feet are wearing high heels. Cut back to the singer. Oh, he knows of pain. He feels you, y'all. He knows what it's like to be unloved and unspoiled by the touch of groupies every single night on tour. Hell, that was his life for almost a whole three months out of high school. Cut back to the girl in heels. She's wearing a strapless dress. We see her from behind as she whacks a fist into a fire safety glass case to retrieve an ax. Do schools really keep axes on display like that under breakaway glass? Lifehouse remind us that time is passing by. Thank you for that, Lifehouse. I'll be more careful with my electronic planner. The girl in the gown continues walking down the hallway, toting her newly acquired ax. Lifehouse Guy, wielding his own musical ax, says it's just time to move on. And we shall. Cut back to the ax girl, who is wearing a pretty tiara in her blonde hair. Lifehouse Guy, back on camera, hopes whomever he's singing to lands on their feet and finds a way back to him. This guy is practically Bob Dylan. I've never heard sentiments like these in a pop song before!

The song is still playing in the background as Bo Duke walks up the school stairs. He's looking quite snazzy in a suit. He looks at some of the posters on the wall as he goes. He stops at the top of the stairs and is surprised to see Chloe, wielding the ax. She cracks him across the face with the handle, and Bo falls down the stairs. Shouldn't he be hobbling in the first place, since he was shot in the leg last week? That fall looked painful, too. But back to the strummy-strummy. Lifehouse Guy is singing lyrics I can't hear anymore because my Trite-o-Meter went into Protect and Encrypt mode. Thank you, Trite-o-Meter. You've saved my brain yet again.

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