Lana asks if she should order more pizza for the "Brat Pitt marathon." There's so much, so so much, wrong with that line of dialogue that I'm just going to let it stand. Truth be told, I'm afraid to go near it. Boy, those crazy teens sure do love that sexy Brad Pitt, don't they? Chloe is hearing for the first time here that Lana's not going to prom: "What about Jason?" Lana says that an entrance with the coach who was fired for dating a student is an entrance she'd like to avoid. Right on. I won't quibble with that one. Lana says that after four years of imagining something, there's no way it'll live up to our expectations anyway. Wow. Whomever takes Lana's virginity can go ahead and slack away when the time comes. Chloe says that's not the Lana she knows. The whiny, annoying one who has about as much personality as a meteor rock? Which Lana do you know, Chloe? As Lana squints repeatedly, Chloe tells her that, oh my God, it's gonna be SO fun! Chloe says that Lex got the band Lifehouse to play for the seniors. All the juniors attending will be required to wear earplugs and bring their own iPods. Chloe asks Lana to help her bring stag back in style. You should just go...together. I'll drive! I went stag to my junior prom, by the way. A whole bunch of us were in a play together and we all fell in love with each other (it didn't last), so we did this big group party thing. It ruled. There were no crazy body switchers at my prom, though, so maybe I'm a little biased.
A Poor Man's Paris Hilton (PMP) suddenly enters the scene wearing very pointy shoes and a pink blazer. She announces, as she and her entourage walk through the hall, that she's coming through. Girls with low self-esteem stand aside. PMP goes straight to Chloe to tell her off. She starts, "Chloe!," and accuses her of publishing a disgusting dis of prom tradition in her tabloid rag. One of PMP's sidekicks gives Chloe and Lana a "So there," look. Chloe tells PMP, whose real name is Dawn, to lighten up. Chloe says that PMP will get her prom crown because everyone in school is terrified of her rumor mill. PMP scoffs and says, "Kill me now! You are such a hypocrat!" Chloe has to keep herself from laughing at the malapropism. Lana doesn't even try to stifle hers. Chloe snarks that whatever Poor Man's Paris is saying to her is getting lost in translation. PMP tells Chloe not to play stupid; she says that the only reason Chloe's picture is up on the wall is because of the article. Chloe is like, "Who? Wha?" Everyone looks. There's a poster on the wall that reads, "Nominees For Prom Queen." Chloe's name and photo are up there, next to Dawn Stiles and some girl we'll never meet named Paige Dejong. So long, Dejong. Lana is loving Chloe's discomfort. Nice friend, ass. PMP tells Chloe "may the best girl win," and adds that they know who that is. "Laters!" she announces, and spins off. Her sidekicks follow. Lana really overdoes a line where she jokes that she must not be the only one who read Chloe's article. "Your highness!" she adds, bowing. It is at this point that victims of the tsunami in Asia are like, "Hey, we're doing a lot better now -- thanks for the donations. But could you guys over there do something about Lana? It's really bumming us out." Lana wishes Chloe luck, and leaves her there, stunned, in the hallway. One last look at the poster. Vote Dejong!