Remember how last season I complained that nothing was happening for, oh, about twenty episodes? Well, now so much is happening that I can barely keep up. While visiting Lana's dorm room, Clark cuts his finger on a silver meteor rock with a note attached saying it's from Lex. On his way home, Clark is run off the road by someone in a black truck. Things go from bad to worse when Clark sees Bo Duke accept money from Papa Luthor in order to run against Lex in the senate election. Clark throws his parents around the room, and when he goes to Chloe for help, he suspects she's given up his secret to Papa Luthor. The problem is that Clark is growing increasingly paranoid, a symptom of silver Kryptonite infection. Clark's delusions extend to Professor SoFine, whom Clark believes is also being stalked, and Lana, whom Clark thinks is mugging down with Lex. Each of these things is half-true. Lana is getting closer to Lex as he finally reveals to her that he's been keeping the spaceship she saw in storage. Chloe has been talking to Papa Luthor, but only about the election. And Bo Duke may be getting help in the election from Papa Luthor, who doesn't like the idea of Lex going mad with power after winning. As for SoFine: he saves Clark by plunging a splinter-sucker onto Clark's neck (the less said about SoFine sucking on Clark's neck, the better) that removes the silver Kryptonite. But in doing so, SoFine reveals that he's also a Kryptonian, here to show Clark the Way of the Krypto-Dudes. "Don't Call Me Kal-El" Clark tells SoFine that he trusts humans and won't turn against them. Lex, meanwhile, makes the ship disappear to some new location away from SoFine. And Lex is smacked down, hard, by Papa Luthor, who tells him that no matter what election he wins, Lana will never love him because she knows his true nature. That's harsh, even for Papa Luthor.
Greetings! Time to recap Smallville again, but I have to ask: are you with me or against me? Should I trust you? You're all out to get me, aren't you? Goddammit, answer me! (Removes Microsoft mouse splinter from hand.) Oh, I feel much better now. Moving on...
We start at Metropolis University. Home to great minds; no, it's true -- Clark Kent didn't get in. On a laptop screen, someone is fiddling with a computerized map of Kansas featuring the town of Smallville. As alterna-crap music plays, we pan back from the computer as the map shifts and flattens, showing some sort of formation in space pointing toward the town. At the helm of the computer is freshman college student Lana Lang, who is apparently doing some independent astronomy research. Now, you'll have to excuse me -- I always get astronomy and astrology confused. One is with stars and the other is with bullshit, right? Lana stares at the screen using her Determined Possum face. The coordinates in space are triangulated with Smallville on the screen. Huh, let's see. If a meteor comes down at a gajillion miles per hour toward Lana's parents, who weigh an average of 140 pounds...yep...that would flatten them.
Lana, who looks a bit like she needs a nap, reacts in surprise when someone knocks on her dorm-room door, and then enters without waiting for acknowledgment. But I'm getting dress-- oh, never mind. Big, Dumb Clark enters. I do love Chloe's Attack of the 50' Woman poster. Lana hastily closes her laptop lest Clark see her astronoporn. Lana asks what Clark is doing in Metropolis. Not calling ahead, for one thing. Clark says that he was in town to pick up tractor parts for his dad. Yeah, you won't find tractor parts in rural Kansas. You've got to go to the ultra-modern city to get spark plugs and giant wheels. The tractor parts are apparently in a little box, which Clark brought up to the dorm for who knows what reason. Maybe he thought he and Lana were going to get kinky and have a rancher's afternoon delight. Clark says that, while he was there, he picked up something for Lana. He tells Lana that he got her text message, so he brought her some brain food. Lana says she doesn't remember "texting" him. Fucking, yes. Breaking up and getting back together a hundred times? Check. Going to China to track down space artifacts? Did it. But "texting?" That's just crazy. Lana's confusion about the text message quickly turns to a sly grin when she asks, "Is that Chow Mein?" The chowiest. Clark is her Mein man.