Smallville
Splinter

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
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Paranoid Man-droid

We cut to another view -- Clark spying on Lex and Lana through a window as they get closer. Hello, voyeur theater! Clark sees Lex run his hand up Lana's arm and lean in to kiss her. They smooch as the fireplace blazes in the background. Clark, with his constant sweat, can't be thrilled about this. Lana really enjoyed that kiss. She smiles and hugs Lex. Clark grits his teeth. Lana sees him through the window and, in slow motion, she stares at him coldly. Damn, this is just like that "Walking In The Rain" song, only without the walking and without the rain.

Lair of Lex, later. Lex is on the phone demanding that someone call him every thirty minutes with updates. CNN Headline News is like, "Can't you just turn on your TV?" Lex says that his security team (ha!) is coordinating with Chloe and the Kents to find Clark. Lana hopes that they don't hurt Clark. Lex says that, if that happens, somebody's getting transferred to Siberia. See ya, Bo! Lex suggests that they get the rock to LuthorCorp to start getting that cure going. As they walk, the lights in Luthor mansion start to flicker, and then go off. It's always little things like the electric bill that fall through the cracks when you're this rich. Lex hands Lana the rock and tells her to stay there while he goes and looks around. Yes, leave Lana alone in the dark with the invaluable space rock. Nice one.

Lex wanders down his hallways as creepy music plays. He finds one of his "security people" (hee hee) lying in the hallway. The dude is splayed out with a gun next to him. Lex checks for a pulse, but it's unclear whether the guy is dead or not. Let's assume he's not so that Clark's not a murderer who is never brought to justice. Again. Lex takes the gun, and then walks toward a flickering light. He sees a bunch of sparks shooting from some exposed electrical panels from behind a wall. Yeah, I think you're going to need a contractor for that. Give us two, three months. Our guy's good. He's bonded. Clark suddenly appears next to the electrical mess. Ta da! Dinner and a light show! "A lot of people are looking for you," Lex says, making sure not to raise the gun. Clark knows. Lex takes small careful steps forward as he tells Clark that something is wrong with him. "Yeah," Clark says roughly, "it's been a revelation." Lex says that Clark is sick, and that they should get him to the lab. "We should get to the lab," says Clark, with his ragged face looking haunted, "so you can experiment on me." Clark says that it all makes sense. He thought Lex was obsessed with him, but it's really all about Lana. Dude, we could have told you that since Season 1. It's always been all about Lana. Welcome to reality, Clark. You're going to fucking hate it here. Lex starts stepping back as Clark moves toward him. Clark accuses Lex of doing everything he's done to Clark just to get him out of the way so that he could have Lana to himself. "Listen to what you're saying, Clark," says Lex. "This isn't you." But he doesn't exactly deny it. Clark also thinks that Lex tricked Lana into believing she's in love with him. He says he won't let Lex get away with it. Lex finally pulls up the gun. "I'm gonna need you to stop," he says. Lex says he doesn't want to hurt Clark. Not in the bad way, at least. Clark looks down at the gun like it's just a little annoyance, and grins. In one motion, Clark -- seemingly without using his superpowers -- pushes Lex's hand away, swings him against the wall, and holds him there as the gun goes off in Lex's hand. Lex screams. "But I want to hurt you," Clark says. The rough stuff! Gayest Look of the Episode. Clark flings Lex aside. Lex slides across the floor and hits a table and wall. Congratulations, Lex! You win a prize for your hundredth concussion! It's a chunk of ice and some first-grade-reading-level books.

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Smallville

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