Smallville
Splinter

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
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Paranoid Man-droid

Clark asks what Lana's working on. "Oh, just some astronomy," she says, trying to play off whatever suspicious thing she was just doing. She lies that it's just numbers and equations and other things she doesn't understand. Oh, lookit me, I'm just a wittle dumb girl who doesn't understand math. Woe is me with these crazy equations! Lana is engaged in some theriouth thecreths and lieth. She kisses Clark. "Chow Mein," she reiterates. Clark says that the box was at Lana's door, so I guess it doesn't really contain tractor parts, although that would have been a lot more fun. Lana opens a plain white envelope attached to the box. "'Given your new major,'" Lana reads, "'I thought you might find this interesting. Lex.'" Lex in a box would be interesting. "Lex is sending you gifts?" Clark asks, suspiciously. Just then, Clark hurts his finger on whatever was in the box. He drops it, and we see a plastic-looking silver and black piece of rock fall out, along with some crinkled shredded paper. Lana asks if Clark is all right. His finger! It's bleeding a little. "Just a scratch," Clark says, scared, as if discovering a lump in his testes. Lana picks up the offending object. "It's a meteor rock," she says. Oh, she's majoring in Astronomy and Geology? Lana says she hasn't seen a meteor rock like this one. Shiny. Clark hastily says that he has to go, and that his dad's probably waiting for the tractor parts. What kind of man would Bo be with a broken tractor? Clark doesn't give Lana a hug or kiss her goodbye. As Clark opens the door, Chloe is there, saying hi. He walks right past her. "...and bye," Chloe finishes for him. She asks if her deodorant went south. To her hips? Lana says she has no idea what's up with Clark: "I guess he's not into Geology." Yes, that's exactly why Clark left so abruptly. You know him so well, like Whitney Houston's mom. Close-up on the black and silver rock. Mmm, dark chocolate.

A country road. Some roadside cows are upset at their limited screen time so far in Season 5. You'll be hearing from their agent. Unfortunately, she's a cow, so you'll be hearing it in moos. Clark is driving his red truck as harder rock music plays. He examines the cut on his index finger. Yep, something penetrated his alien skin, all right. Someone behind Clark starts honking. It's a big, black truck. More honking. Clark sticks his hand out the window and signals for the truck to go around. It doesn't. Instead, it rams into the back of Clark's truck. Then it rams him again. Clark turns sharply and fishtails. The truck is still in pursuit. It drives up beside Clark, but the driver can't be seen because the windows are tinted dark. The truck grinds against the Kentmobile, scraping it up. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Clark yells. The truck slows down and gives it to Clark hard from behind. What? I didn't say anything! Clark swerves, and it goes from bad driving to something exploding under Clark's truck and sending it spinning in the air. Clark's truck rolls spectacularly and finally comes to a halt with the trunk up and the passenger side door ajar. Another Smallville truck bites the dust. Thanks for raising the insurance rates for everyone again, dingus. Clark -- completely unhurt, of course -- sits up in his seat. He gets out and doesn't see the black truck anywhere. It was a wraith! Clark's cell phone rings. It's Geico. They want your blood. The person on the phone says, in a deep voice, "I know who you are." Clark hangs up the phone and thinks, "This is going to be a shit day." He jogs over to the middle of the road and looks around as the camera pans way, way back. Smallville: Pick-up truck graveyard of the world.

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Smallville

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