Smallville
Splinter

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Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
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Paranoid Man-droid

Lana is running her hand along a dark surface. Mmm, that's good aftermarket. "It's so smooth," Lana coos. And it turns out it's Sam Jackson's head! If only. As Lana admires the spacecraft from up close, Lex watches. Lana says that the surface almost feels like liquid. It would make the smoothest of smoothies. Lex says that it's a frictionless surface: "At least, that's what my experts tell me." Would Lana even be able to feel a frictionless surface? Maybe you need to get new experts, Lex. Lana is suddenly annoyed that Lex has been studying the ship, since Lana saw it and he let her think she was losing her mind. Lex says that he didn't mean to do that; he was just trying to protect her. Lana bristles and asks what it is Lex thinks he's protecting her from. Lex, who is wearing shoes that make a lot of noise when he walks, monologues that the ship is one of the most important discoveries in the history of mankind. More than Velcro? I don't think so, Lex. He thinks people would be willing to kill for a lot less. Murderers especially. Lex, in backlit profile, says that if something happened to Lana because of that, he'd never forgive himself. Wow, that almost sounded noble. In a pissy tone that picks up none of the warm fuzzies Lex intended, Lana asks, "So what changed?" Lex says that he couldn't keep lying to Lana. "Is that the real reason," she asks, "or are you and your scientists stumped?" Lana's suddenly a hard-ass in all things Lexian. Lana surmises that she's useful because she's the only person who's seen the ship open up. Oh, like Lana's the reason it opened. I guess spaceships are just as vulnerable to Lana's charms as human TV show producers are. Lex walks to Lana and tells her that this is her chance to get answers about everything that's happened since her parents were flattened by a meteor. Her parents were WHAT?! That's awful! Lex says that the meteors, the ship, and all the funky things that happen in town are tied together. Almost like an episodic series of some sort. Lex puts his hands on Lana's shoulders and tells her that he's offering the opportunity of a lifetime, and that it's up to her whether she wants to take it. ...Or you could go for what's in the special prize box! The box, Lana! Go for the box! Lana fails to decide in this scene, which is just as well, because the box was probably empty.

Kent home. MamaKent is rushing down the stairs with laundry, telling Clark that Bo was looking for him. "Just saw him in the barn with Lionel Luthor," Clark mutters, as if he's just seen an awful, dirty thing. MamaKent repeats the name in surprise. Bo comes through the kitchen door jovially. "There he is!" he says, asking Clark to give him a hand with a tractor. You may fix the tractor, Bo Duke, but can you repair your damaged son? "Where is it?" Clark asks. Bo starts to say that the tractor is by the barn, but Clark starts frisking Bo roughly. Bo chuckles like it's tickle-fight time. "Clark!" MamaKent says worriedly. Clark finds the envelope in Bo's pocket. "See? He got this from Lionel Luthor," Clark says, waving the envelope. Oh, crap. It's Veronica Mars's paternity test. And...oh no! She's an alien, too! Clark thinks his dad's plotting to put him in a lab. "Clark!" Bo says sharply, to the tune of "dumb-ass!" Bo explains that he was talking to Papa Luthor about the campaign, and that the envelope was Lex's balance sheet so that Bo could see what he was up against. Isn't that a bit illegal if LuthorCorp isn't a public company? "What about the money?" Clark asks, rifling through the envelope. "What money?" MamaKent asks. "This money!" says Clark dramatically, waving around some pizza coupons and magazine subscription cards. Behold! Bo found a better deal on Redbook! That wily man! "Why you doing this to me, Dad?" Clark asks. So you can learn to read? Clark repeats the question and slams his fist into the counter, breaking it. Bo hops back, a little scared. "Clark! Stop it," MamaKent says, grabbing his arm. Clark waves her back and sends her flying roughly toward the living room. Make me some chicken pot pie, woman! "Hey!" Bo bellows as he unwisely tries to tussle with Clark. Clark throws him against a pole and holds him up, choke-hold style. "No more lies," Clark says, a little dreamily. He wants the truth. "Tell me!" Clark barks. "You want the truth?" Bo asks. I'd make a joke about Clark not being able to handle the truth, but of more concern is that I'm not even sure he has full bladder control. Bo manages, "You were never really my son!" The milkman was a hot Italian! "You were a thing I found I the cornfield," Bo tells Clark. Clark is hurt. Then angry. Then hurt again. He doubles over in pain. Chloe is standing there holding a glowing piece of green meteor rock. She tells Clark she doesn't want to do this and asks him to calm down. "You're all in this together," Clark says, "I knew it." He's able to zip out of the room and break through the front door to get outside. Then he zips away entirely.

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