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A Modest Proposal
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This episode is all that stands between me and a three-week break. So, bring it on, Smallville. I'm not afraid of you or your caption-less broadcast. (By the way, thanks to Scott for sending me the closed caption text via his HDTV computer set-up. Obviously, his science is way tight.)

Stately Luthor Manor at night. According to a bedside clock, it's past midnight. The camera pans across a dark room where Lana lies in bed, eyes open. It's past Thanksgiving. Shouldn't she be hibernating by now? There's a soft knock at the door. Someone opens it. Wow, those are beautiful French doors. I wonder if the rest of the castle is this nice. I wonder if we'll ever know.

Lex comes in. Lana pulls back her lip in what could be a mild smile or vague discomfort. It could even be gas. Lex strides over and asks, "What are you doing awake?" Dude, you're the one who knocked. He asks what's wrong. Lana says that she has a lot on her mind. You know. Pink. Aliens. Pregnancy. The billions of dollars at her disposal. I suppose that might keep someone awake at night. "Does it concern us?" Lex asks, sounding very worried. Lana shakes her head a tiny bit. Lex comes closer. He says he knows Lana has had her doubts and has wondered if she can trust Lex. He gives Lana his word that she can, and says he'll always be there for her. When the rain starts to fall. Like he's been there before. 'Cause he's there for you, too. "Always," says Lex, creeping Lana out. "I know," she weakly whispers, smiling wanly. This is where, if it were my wife, I'd say, "Get up, woman! We're going to Whataburger for some milkshakes!" That always seems to work. Not sensing that this is going anywhere, Lex says that Lana has no idea how much she means to him. She's just so, so amazing. Goddamn, I am in awe and so totally jealous of Lex for scoring such a catch. He's a billionaire, but somehow he managed to find the absolute perfect unemployed woman of his dreams in a small town in Kansas. Lucky devil. It's practically TomKatian. Lana looks very pained. Lex finally gets the message: "In an ideal world, I was looking for some sort of response,'s okay. It's late. We're both tired."

Lex starts to walk out. Lana says, "Lex," but is cut off by a very loud siren. Three guys with flashlights and guns suddenly bust into the room. Damn, what if Lex had been getting his groove on at that moment? How mortifying! "There's been a breach!" one of them tells Lex. "If only," Lex thinks. This must be a great security team: it took them six whole seasons to get to the mansion. "What's the code?" Lex asks. "142," the guard tells him. Lana asks what that means. It was the position he was going to try before they were so rudely interrupted. Lex says that everything will be fine. The room is bathed in red light now, as if someone invited Roxanne over.

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