Smallville

Episode Report Card
Omar G: C | 4 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Maybe We Could Call Her 'The Tit'

Non-commercials. Are you a douchebag? Axe Body Spray, brah.

Next day, Daily Planet. Clark is holding up a copy of the paper. The main headline is, "MOB MEN BEHIND BARS." Blago is looking sad in his police mug. Aw, poor Blago. The subheadline is, "'Ugly' Arrested." Ha! You ugly! If it's on your birth certificate, yo momma said you Ugly, too! The other headlines, which weirdly fall under the same top banner, are "Gas prices up," "Don't eat your ballot" and the ungrammatical "Workers demands in snow removal." Maybe newspapers deserve to die if this is the model. Lois arrives at Clark's desk and deposits an orange juice, coffee and double-frosted bear claw. How did Clark fake his way into showing up at work after getting shot the night before? The Hell? Lois is holding a stack of papers she copied for Clark. She didn't know if he wanted double-sided or three-hole punched, so she did every combination and went through a whole ream of paper. Nice one, Lois. Clark says she didn't have to do this. But then he grunts as he reaches forward for the coffee. He milks it a little while longer. Clark says Lois got her cover story after all. Lois grabs the bear claw. She's not that excited about her byline. Clark asks why. Lois is not proud of her ambition. Clark says the mob guys would be out on the street if Lois hadn't rescued him. She gets it right when she asks, "Your rescue?" They have a long moment while Lois struggles to find the words to express what Clark did. Clark lets her off the hook. "You're welcome, Lois," he says. She smiles. Clark hopes Stiletto is hanging up her heels. Lois says those heels were giving her blisters blisters. Lois says that if the guy's aim had been better Clark would be dead. She says she never should have put him in danger like that. "It's not like you save lives for a living," she adds. Clark agrees, noting that there's only one Red-Blue Blur. Lois says she's not cut out for that life of solitude. Clark jokes that he didn't think there was room for introspection underneath that costume. Ha! Clark finally lands a good one. Lois says he got grazed by a funny bullet. She takes the rest of his bear claw, which I thought she'd already done. "You weren't gonna eat this were you?" she asks. Clark watches her eat. He likes it.

The mean, monochrome-filtered streets of Metropolis, daytime. Jimmy, wearing his dorky white Converse sneakers, is all bandaged up and looking scraggly. He approaches some hip-looking drug dealers, all standing in a bombed-out lot, next to a car. "Let's just get this over with," Jimmy mutters. The main drug dealer, who has very cool gelled hair, says he thought Jimmy was strapped for cash. Jimmy has a big wad of $20 bills, all fakey fake. He hands over several and says things have changed. Now give me my junk! The dealer does. Jimmy walks away, eyes haunted, lips busted. He scored some sunshine in a bag! This is so edgy, y'all!

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Smallville

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