Smallville

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Omar G: C | 4 USERS: B+
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Maybe We Could Call Her 'The Tit'

Chloe thinks Lois has a crush. Lois says she admires The Blur professionally for his heroism. She remembers lowering the bar for a Green Arrow interview and finding "Mr. Emerald Chaps" to also be a "Closet-case" when it comes to publicity. This scene sure is talky. And not in the good way, where people on TV talk and you are entertained. Chloe reminds Lois that the heroes wear costumes so as not to be recognized. She hurries Lois, because she's parked illegally. [In an alley. Where illegal things happen. - Z] Lois moans in pain because her heels are "Silent killers." She lets Chloe walk ahead. Lois suddenly hears Chloe yelling at somebody. She runs, or tries to. A man is struggling with Chloe next to her blue car. "Just gimme the keys!" the criminal yells. The man, a stocky guy with lots of hair, smacks Chloe and knocks her down. She's unconscious. The guy is wearing a tie and a leather sports jacket. Classy! Hey, it's disgraced former Illinois governor Rob Blagojevich! What an honor! Lois kicks him in the knee and punches him in the face, which is something a lot of people wanted to do to the real Mr. Blagojevich. Another man bear-hugs Lois from behind. She reverse head-butts him, smacks him in the face and kicks him. Blagojevich has already gotten into his yellow sports car and is taking off. His head is bloodied. He reverses and then turns around to get out of there. Lois kicks Blagojevich's partner in the face, saying, "This one's for your friend!" She puts her booted food on his upper chest. Bloody of nose, he asks wearily, "Who the Hell are you? Some sort of superhero?" Lois, lit with weird theater lights behind her, has her face in shadow. Her scarf flaps out dramatically behind her. Lois smiles. "You bet I am. Call me Stiletto," she says. Can I just keep calling you Dumb Shit Lois? I have a feeling that's the name we're going to come back to in the end anyway.

Commercials: None. DirecTV and the San Antonio's CW TV station didn't have their shit together this week, so I had to pay to watch the episode by downloading it on iTunes. Yes, I recognize the irony in having to pay for an episode where Lois is front and center. Please don't add to my pain. Needless to say, this was an outrage. So I saw no commercials, but I'm happy to make some up to fill the space. First off: Olive Garden. We give you so much salad and breadsticks you won't even notice how little you'll want to eat when the entrees arrive. You are welcome!

Metropolis General. A nervous-looking Chloe is talking to Davis on the phone. She tells him she was sidetracked and that she'll be home in 20 minutes. "You're still in the basement right? Good," she says. Wow. That is never a good sign in a relationship. It's right down there with, "You haven't gotten out of your cage, have you? Good." A doctor, using probably the same clipboard the PR bouncer from the last scene had, suggests Chloe stick around for observation because of the hit she took to the head. Chloe, who doesn't look any worse for wear, says she's fine. The doctor tries to give Chloe some professional advice, but Chloe cuts her off curtly, saying she has to go. Just then, Clark doop-de-doops into the room, asking if a hospital visit is what it takes to get a call back from Chloe these days. [It's funny -- wasn't she complaining about him not calling, like, two episodes ago? - Z] He checks to see if she's all right. Clark is wearing a blue windbreaker over his shirt and tie. Chloe, faking cheerfulness, apologizes for being the invisible friend lately. Clark asks where she's been. "Um... Watchtower," she says. You were at the magazine distributed by Jehovah's Witnesses? She jokes that she's still dealing with high-maintenance men working for Oliver. Clark thought Oliver was off the grid. "He's in Syria," Chloe responds as she and Clark walk through hospital hallways toward the exit. Chloe says Oliver's been incommunicado. She tells Clark that the thug who hit her took off with her laptop; she was using the laptop to update her Watchtower databases from home. [Also the Watchtower wiki. - Z] We're to gather that it's because Davis is keeping her at home, I suppose. Clark says it's very sensitive information that could compromise their whole shebang. Chloe beats herself up, saying that's why she's panicked. She knows she shouldn't have done it. "Just tell me it was encrypted," Clark pleads. Er... it was in Pig Latin. Most of it, anyway. Chloe says it's not unhackable. Clark says he'll get the laptop back. He asks if she saw the mugger. No, but she did see the asphalt. It was hard. She says there was an eyewitness, though: a heroine who swept in and saved the day. Lois saw her. "Stiletto?" Chloe asks. No thanks, I have a whole closet full of them. I MEAN! By which I mean, of course, that I do not own high heels myself! They belonged to Lana! She was so tiny. Ha ha! Got away with that one. Oh shit, did I say that out loud? "Must be some kind of knife expert," Clark says with a straight face. Ha. Yeah, that would be nice. Maybe next season. Clark asks where Lois went. Chloe gets into the elevator and before it closes asks where he thinks Lois would be when there's a new superhero in town.

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Smallville

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