Smallville

Episode Report Card
Omar G: C | 4 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Maybe We Could Call Her 'The Tit'

Commercials of the fake variety. This is probably where there'd be a car commercial for an American auto brand you'd never actually buy.

A jewelry store. An alarm is going off. We pan across to see a front display window is broken. Lois-as-Stiletto stands there, just staring. She starts walking around the building, and her leather makes all kinds of squeaky noises. "Very stealth, Lois," she admonishes herself. She goes around the building and walks as if her feet hurt. "Next time, I call myself Nike," she says. She finds a guy sitting in the alley, tied up and unconscious. Lois figures out that the Red-Blue Blur beat her to it. "Hello? Are you here?" she calls out. Clark, in his reporter clothing, shows up. He watches Lois for a minute then asks, "Are you The Stiletto?" Lois turns, smiling, thinking it's her hero. "Can I just say it's an honor?" she begins, before seeing that it's just boring-ass Clark. Her smile drops. "Lois?" Clark asks. Lois puts her hands on her hips and fakes a bad accent, like Madonna at her most British. "Who's Lois? I'm Still-lettoh!" she tries. She sashays away as she tells him she should get back to her cave. Clark stands in front of her, blocking her path. He tells her he'd still recognize her even with a bag over her head. Now if her torso was covered, it might be another story. He pulls off her lame mask. Lois is annoyed that she wanted the Red-Blue Blur, but got the opposite. Clark asks what she's doing. She brings up the feeding Shelby bit and chalks it up to one more woman Clark has stood up. All right, that was pretty good. Clark fakes, saying he saw her eying the scanner and came to make sure she was all right. He thinks she's impersonating The Stiletto. Lois snaps, saying there's no "The" and that she is Stiletto, not an impersonator. Clark takes about three hours to process that information and readjust his worldview. You may want to go get a sandwich while we're waiting. Ah, here we go. PROCESSED! "You made up a fake hero so you could write a story?" he asks. Fired! Fire her! Fire her now! Please! I'm begging you! Tell an editor!

Lois says yeah. But, she adds, it's just the beginning. Oh boy! She thinks this will help her land an interview with the Red-Blue Blur. Clark says the guy avoids reporters for a reason. He asks what she'd say that nobody else has already tried. She says she wouldn't say anything. She'd listen. All right, she finally got one right. One reporter trick I use all the time is just not to say anything in an interview. Sometimes a source will talk just to fill the silence and say things they wouldn't otherwise say. You just have to know how long a pause to leave in there before they assume you are a mannequin and walk off. Clark says Red Blue might not be looking for a best friend. Clark accuses her of basing this nascent friendship on a lie. Lois walks off. Clark warns her that she may find herself in a situation she can't "Stiletto" her way out of. Lois boasts that she kicked ass the night before. Clark mentions that he tried to see her handiwork, but the guy was already out of jail when he got there. He drops the name of the lawyer, which leads to the name of the biggest crime boss in Metropolis we've never heard of, Ron Milano. He's part delicious Pepperidge Farm cookie on his mother's side. Lois says she's going to find Milano and save the world. She offers to let Clark be her sidekick as long as he doesn't slow her down. Clark wants to find Milano on his own. He tells Lois to make sure Stiletto's story doesn't get published. If it hasn't been published yet, then how do the fan-site people know about it? Answer: they don't. This is bullshit. Lois frowns, probably out of continuity pains. It's entirely possible she planted the story herself on the fan site or that someone saw it in a police report. Otherwise, the timeline is all screwed up.

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Smallville

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