Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
Little Orphan Luka

The Talon again. Lana is balancing a bunch of glasses on a tray and staring at them intently as if she's trying to out-act them. Sadly, she fails. "Knock knock," we hear Bo Duke bellow as he brings in li'l Luka. Lana is surprised to see him, as am I. Bo just doesn't seem like the coffeehouse kinda guy. He says Luka's been doing chores all day and can have whatever he wants. The "chores" involved letting Bo know what the cows really think of him. He goes off to find a pay phone to find out what MamaKent wants from The Talon. Because she can't make coffee at home. Lana and Luka start chatting. He asks her if it's all right for friends to have secrets. "Strange question," Lana says, without moving a single muscle. Luka suspects Clark has a secret. Lana assures him that everyone does. When Luka asks what her secret is, she looks away and says that it wouldn't be a secret if she told. He's got it locked into his memory by now. Just then, a Talon employee named Skye comes up and takes the glasses Lana so carefully arranged from the counter. Luka gives Skye the long stinkeye. "She's not a good person, Lana," Luka says. "You should fire her." Luka is someday going to be one mercenary H.R. director. Lana asks Luka for more details, but he shuts her up (for that alone I want him to stay on the series) with a haughty, "It's a secret."

Back at the Kent farm. Bo and Luka are arriving in the big blue Kent truck. Just over the white picket fence, BeatDead Dad and his ho are waiting in their own vehicle. Don't the Kents notice a car parked outside their home when there's nothing else around? Luka bounds out of the Kent truck carrying his own miniature growth-stunting cup of coffee. BeatDead and his ho exchange a look. "Looks like Luka's found himself a new family," he says. He pulls out a copy of the Smallville Ledger. A big front-page headline reads, "Luthorcorp Plant Posts Profit," next to some item about the city council rejecting some vague plan. A smiling Lex is standing next to the building and it looks very obviously Photoshopped in, like those pictures you see on The Onion. And since when did earnings reports become front-page news in small towns, especially when it's a single plant announcing profits, and not the entire company, which never happens? This is bunk, folks. The kidnapper ho asks when they're getting the kid back. "When we're ready," the evil, evil stepdad says.

An old road that wouldn't look out of place in, say, Vancouver. Clark and Chloe are looking for clues as to Luka's identity by searching the place where MamaKent's car mistook the boy for a power-up in a PlayStation2 driving game. Clark tells Chloe that he thinks Luka might be faking the amnesia because he's running from someone. Chloe, that scavenger of scavengers, finds a blue backpack near some dried-out brush. She finds comic books and an oddly wrapped package of Twizzlers. (I'm told that's how they look in Canada.) Clark gives the bag the eye and suddenly rips a hole in the bottom, pulling out a photo. Chloe is surprised that Clark knew where to look. "That's where I would hide something," Clark tries to explain. "If you were a CIA operative," Chloe responds. It's a photo of Luka and a nice-looking mom-type who is hugging him. Clark and Chloe try to figure out who the person might be while Chloe still can't believe Luka knew who Kaspar Hauser was. Clark says Luka says weird things. Like, for instance, he said Chloe wanted to go to the prom with Clark and had already picked out the dress. Chloe hangs back, looking stunned. She scoffs and looks down. "It's not pink, is it?" Clark asks, suddenly realizing his heartbreaking faux pas. Chloe looks like she's going to cry. She says she was just looking at the dress and didn't actually buy it. "How would Luka know that?" Clark asks. Chloe goes through about four emotions in two seconds (four more than Lana emotes in the whole season), from surprise, to hurt, to embarrassment, to relief that the subject has been changed. "Maybe he's an alien, or maybe he called Miss Cleo..." she begins to ramble as they walk together down the road.

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