Episode Report Card
Alien Nation

Nighttime. I think this is supposed to be the same field, but suddenly there are really tall cornstalks everywhere. That immigrant labor is amazing! Javier and Francisco are running noisily through the cornfield. Wouldn't it be better to sneak out quietly? Javier tells his buddy to hurry. Francisco calls to Javier to slow down. Something rumbles behind them. Maybe it's the jungle creature from Lost. Javier and Francisco stop to investigate. Something explodes, sending a poof of dirt into the air. The creature then knocks down corn in pursuit of the boys. They run, though Javier seems to be doing a half-assed job of it. Monster-point-of-view shots. It's Niños del elote! Javier makes it to the edge of the cornfield and runs out triumphantly. Just as Francisco is about to escape, he explodes in a cloud of dirt. ¡Ay, caramba! Javier looks back and calls for his friend. Maybe if you said the name with a Mexican accent, he'd hear you. "Francisco!" he yells. Don Francisco yells back, "¡No te pierdes cada sábado del presentación de Sabado gigante!" There's another rumble from the corn, and Javier decides that his best friend isn't worth getting torn to bits over. He runs away, toward the distant full moon. We pan down into the corn. Something is thrashing there. Mr. Redenbacher, is that you? Whatever creature lies here, it thinks Mexican food is tasty.

Opening credits. Commercials. Speaking of strange accents, Blood Diamond opened in theaters this week.

Stately Luthor Manor. Lana, in her tiny black sexy maternity wear (MILF-in-training bra?), is walking into her bedroom with a white mug of what I'm presuming is tea or milk. Lex walks into the room from the closet (sadly, it's not as gay as it sounds), putting on a tie. He tells Lana that she didn't get much sleep. "Neither did you," Lana says flatly. All the world's money and they can't afford a wave-making clock radio? Lex says that it's kind of become a pattern lately. Sort of like being in an awful relationship where you ask someone to marry you and she has no discernible personality. And she happens to be pregnant with your evil seed. "You mean since you proposed?" says Lana, and then looks down as if she just lobbed a grenade. Yeah, blame everybody's lack of sleep on Lex's proposal. Lana turns away in shame before he can answer. Lex says that he doesn't want Lana to give him an answer until she's ready. Also, "Yes" would be preferable. Lex adds that, to be honest, he wishes he could take it back. So romantic! Lana frowns. Lex says that he's usually more calculated and strategic (and, you could say, choosy), but with Lana, he can never see clearly. That's not love, that's codependency! Also, Lana's frequently bathed with angelic light, which may explain his blindness. Lex says that he acts impulsively with Lana. She says that he's not the only one. There've been dozens of stalkers who've acted the same. Lana says that this is moving so fast. Six seasons is fast? Lex tells her to take as much time as she wants. She gives him an extremely tired smile, and says, "Thank you." She grabs both sides of Lex's untied tie and pulls him toward the bed, asking whether Lex's board can survive without the boss for one more hour. Why, you little pregnant minx! They kiss. Lex says that if he could, he would. He turns to the mirror and works on his tie, saying that just because he's stuck in an office doesn't mean Lana has to be inside all day. He tells her about three lost Vermeer paintings at an exhibit Lana should check out. But they're not in Metropolis: they're at the Rijksmuseum. They're guarded by Vogons. Lana says that's in Amsterdam, four thousand miles away. Lex says that it's one of the most romantic cities in the world. If you like hookers 'n hash. ["And who doesn't?" -- Wing Chun] Lex says that Lana will be very lonely and realize how much she misses him. That...doesn't sound like a great plan. "Nice strategy, boss," says Lana, foregoing the "you're not the boss of me!" stance many lovers adopt. Lex says it's only great if it works, and kisses Lana. Twice. They hug. There are lingering close-ups on both of their faces. Lex is so screwed in this relationship.

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