Episode Report Card
Alien Nation

Commercials. Gwen Stefani: has she hit the wall and gone crazy? Discuss.

Trouble at the Kent farm! MamaKent angrily opens the screen door and tells Clark that they have no choice: they have to call Immigration. Or they could just call the deputy who was just there. Clark says that he told the kid he'd be safe, and that he meant it. MamaKent says that she wants to help Javier, but that she took "an oaf." An oaf? You should never take an oaf! Oh...oath. Yes, that's very different. Clark says that the kid is just trying to find his mom. MamaKent says that they have to go through the proper legal channels. Because that usually works in an undocumented immigrant's favor. "Was it legal when you forged my adoption papers?" Clark asks pointedly. Touché, big dumb alien. Clark says that he's an illegal immigrant, and that MamaKent has been harboring him for seventeen years. Why that dirty, immigrant-smuggling whore! MamaKent says that Clark's situation was entirely different, and that she and Bo had to protect him. Clark raises his voice: "I need to protect Javier!" Nyah! Clark asks who'll defend the boy if he doesn't. Someone on this list of Kansas immigration lawyers, maybe? Clark plays the Mom card to convince MamaKent: he says he thought MamaKent would understand. MamaKent looks shocked. Clark says that he'll take the boy to Chloe's and asks for twenty-four hours before she calls the deputy. MamaKent exhales, still in shock. Clark leaves before she can answer. MamaKent shakes her head, pissed.

A very tall willow tree near a farm. Clark walks up to it. The bearded man and a boy are there waiting. Clark thinks the boy is Francisco, at first. But he figures out right away that he's wrong. "La tierra se lo tragó." Clark doesn't understand. The boy translates: "He says the ground swallowed him." Like all the others. The old man says that it's the devil below. Indeed. Clark doesn't ask for a translation. Clark stares at the ground, using his x-ray vision, and sees lots of skeletons down below. Damn. The ground was hungry.

The Talon. The marquee reads, "Monday night mocha madness." It's dusk. Inside, someone's doing a web search for "Laundry Service" in "Granville." It's Chloe. She says that three results came up, and that Javier's mom must be at one of the three businesses. Javier, sitting next to her, says that as soon as Clark finds Francisco, they can go find his mom. There's a knock at the door. Chloe tells the kid to write down those addresses while she answers. It's Jimmy "I'm James, Dammit!" Olsen at the door, and he hands Chloe a long-stemmed rose (ouch! Thorns!) and then puts some rose petals into her hand. He says that he's got their romantic date all planned out: dinner, snobby waiters, extra forks, the whole nine. He says that they'll stroll down Main Street, hand-holding optional, and then they'll come back to the apartment "for dessert." At this, he holds up a huge can of whipped cream. Whoa! Jimmy! Dirty! Chloe goes, "Errrr," and looks over at Javier. Javier waves. Boner killer! Jimmy nervously hides the whipped cream and asks about Chloe's friend. She introduces Javier, explaining that he's Clark's friend (what Jimmy must be thinking of that) from Mexico, and that they're hanging out until Clark gets back. Jimmy and Javier smile at each other. "Sorry," Chloe mouths. Jimmy suggests that they get this party started. He does the obligatory White Man's Communication bit where he talks really loudly in order to make his English understood, booming, "Javier! You have not experienced America until you have experienced PEPPERONI...PIZZA!" "Isn't pizza from Italy?" Javier asks. Wonk, wonk, wonk. A white man plays the fool yet again. Jimmy says that's a common misconception, explaining that we came up with the cheese angle. Cheese Angle was my '80s cover band. We played Whitesnake songs. When Jimmy goes to order, Chloe clears her throat and goes back to the computer. "Is that your boyfriend?" Javier asks. Ya think? Chloe looks over her shoulder at Jimmy, beming, "Define 'boyfriend.'" Yep, this episode was definitely out of order for the season.

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