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Who Shot Papa Luthor?

It was a dark and stormy night. Papa Luthor was in his study, scan-reading a book with his little electronic device. We pan across some bookshelves and a scary mask as lightning flashes. "That which is done out of love always exists beyond good and evil," the female device voice says. It's Beyond Good & Evil by our pal Friedrich Nietzsche. A phone rings. More lightning strikes. Papa Luthor -- wearing a crisp white shirt just begging for some staining -- answers the phone. As the camera pans back and he stands near a balcony edge, he tells the person on the phone to have his helicopter ready the next morning. He's going back to Metropolis. He says he'll probably be alone, since he suspects that MamaKent is no longer "in [his] employ." Opera music is playing. Downstairs, a door opens. A shadow approaches. "Who's there?" Papa Luthor asks. He says that if it's a joke, he's not amused. What if it was the joke about the peanut walking down the street, and then he was assaulted? And how the peanut that did it was a-roasted? Still, he's not amused. "Is that you?" he asks. The shadow comes closer. Papa Luthor asks if he didn't make it clear that the conversation is over. I guess not, because two gunshots hit him -- one near the heart, one on the shoulder. Papa Luthor tumbles over the balcony and does a Chris Farley, right onto a glass table in slow motion. His hair flaps up and then lands perfectly back in place. More thunder and lightning. Papa Luthor moves his head slightly as the camera pulls back, showing him lying on the floor, Miss Scarlet-bloody.

Rain. Inside a red truck, Bo Duke is conked out. A flashlight shines upon his face. He wakes groggily. In one hand, he has a bottle of liquor. In the other, a gun. Bad, bad Bo. A police officer is on one side and from the other, someone announces through a bullhorn that he must get out of the truck and put down the gun. We pan back, and see that two officers are holding up guns on him. He gets out of the truck, spilling the liquor on the muddy ground. A helicopter is overhead. Ethan, our loyal copper, comes over and tells Bo Duke that everything will be fine if he keeps his hands where the cops can see them. Bo asks him what's going on. Ethan says that, as a friend, he's advising Bo Duke not to say anything until he gets a lawyer. He handcuffs Bo Duke. In slow motion, they lead Bo Duke to a police car as the rain pounds down and Ethan reads the Miranda rights. Opening credits.

Man, this episode's pretty serious so far, huh? And no Lana so far. Me likey. Commercials: remember when we still cared about The Osbournes? Like, two weeks ago?

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