Outside. Jocko Whitney -- who I'd like to add has become a total wuss pie with extra cream-wuss filling of late -- has his hands over Lana's eyes from behind and is leading her somewhere. Don't you know she has spooky psychic powers? She can see right through your hands, dumb-ass. Also notice how his fingers aren't anywhere near her eyes. Once you get your fingers in that makeup, they're not coming out. Lana is allowed to see what's there. It's a big, froofy picnic spread, complete with red plaid blanket and an ice bucket of Snapple. Jocko, what happened? You're so whipped now! "Why are you being so mysterious?" Lana asks. This is mysterious? Then Alan Alda must be the keeper of Pandora's Box. Lana says she's not complaining. It's just "kinda spontaneous." The dialogue isn't exactly Gilmore Girls, is it? That show's dialogue crackles. This one's dialogue sits at the bottom of a bowl of soggy cereal turning the milk the muddy brown of Cocoa Puffs. Jocko asks if he's usually boring. Well, shit, yeah. Why do you think they're writing you out of the show? I think they took his testicles along with the rest of his floppy hair. Lana asks what the occasion is. Jocko gives her a red rose. He says it's been a hard year and Lana could have made "other choices" instead of sticking by him. So he's just happy she didn't stray. If they start playing "Thank You" by Dido, I'm seriously going to fast-forward past this scene. Lana says she'd never abandon Jocko when he needed her. He needs you now: to give him back some shred of manliness. Jocko says he has something to show her. Lana tries to interrupt, but he hands her a folded piece of paper. It's from the U.S. Marine Corps. They want his testicles back, too. "I enlisted," Jocko says. He's going to be one of the few (testicles), the proud (to not be a bit player anymore on the WB), the Marines (as seen on TV). Lana is shocked. Jocko says that when he found his dad's medals, it was like he saw which path he should take. Lana says he shouldn't do it just for his father. "I'm doing it for us," Jocko says. He enlisted Lana, too? Lana says it's fast and that she needs time to process it. Her brain only has so many abacus beads. Jocko says he ships out Saturday night. Couldn't he have waited a week to enlist? It's not like the Marines are going to leave town like the circus. She asks about graduation. He says the only thing he's going to miss in Smallville is her. He still didn't answer the question. They won't take a high-school dropout, will they? "Will you wait for me?" Jocko asks. Lana is nice enough not to laugh in his face.
Episode Report CardOmar G: B+ | 511 USERS: C+
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