Tempest (1)

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
You say "TorNAYdo," I say, "TornYAYdo"

Storm clouds. The truck that I bet will be wrecked even before Jocko leaves the state of Kansas pulls into a bus station. "Taking you where you want to go," a sign helpfully reads. Well, I should fucking hope so. The wind has picked up. A mom is ushering her kids toward the station as leaves and dust blow. Jocko's shiny red truck comes to a stop. This is, what, truck #7? I shall miss seeing his vehicles go boom. In the cab, Lana asks if Jocko has everything. He says he's only allowed one bag. "I'd never make it as a Marine," Lana jokes. Yeah, because you're such a fashion plate, Barbie. Jocko smiles, and when he does, he has crow's feet next to his eyes. How old is he supposed to be? He looks like Bo Duke all of a sudden. "I want you to have this for luck," Lana says. It's her kryptonite necklace, which may finally be out of our lives for good. Jocko takes the moment seriously, but I can tell he's wondering what his buddies in the Marines are going to think of his wearing it. He tells Lana he won't lose it this time. They hug. Jocko says goodbye. He gets out and grabs his bag, his newly shorn hair blowing in the wind. He's got Peter Krause hair now. Long goodbye stares. Lana gets out of the truck and goes after him. They hug some more. Jocko says he loved her the first moment he saw her. Lana balls a fist behind Jocko's neck. He says he'll love her when he sees her again. They kiss in the wind. No tongues, though. Jocko gets back on the bus, which according to the sign on it, is going to Wichita. Lana watches him go in her little Members Only white jacket. This scene sponsored by Greyhound. Greyhound: Not All Our Buses Smell Like Feet.

Storm cellar. A shadowy backlit figure is coming down the spooky stairs. Do you smell that? It's the crispy, fetid odor of barbecued evil. And I think this particular piece of evil has been slathered in evil marinade. It's Nixon and he's carrying a video camera with a bright light mounted on it. Nixon sees a shape in the middle of the cellar. He pulls back a nasty-looking, raggedy tarp. And it's Clark's spaceship! If the Kents were white trash, they'd have the spaceship up on blocks in the front lawn. "Roger! Baby! You are going to be filthy rich!" Nixon says to himself. Not just that. You're going to be stupid rich. Lactose rich. Hare-brained scheme rich. Nixon's camera zooms in on the piece of the ship that's missing an octagonal piece.

Remy Zero! They're at the dance and they're singing, "Somebody saaaaaaaaave me!" The lead singer looks an awful lot like Lex. The guitarist is thrashing his piece even though this sounds like they're lip-synching. Folks are dancing, which, you know, I like this song and all, but it's not really something you can dance to. Unless you're Hedwig as a boy or something and you're just stomping your feet on your bed really fast. Everybody is wearing black tuxes. One detail they got wrong: in high school, there's always at least one dork who wears a baby-blue or white or gray tux. Fine, you caught me. I wore a gray tux to one of my proms. I was that dork. Pete goes up to Clark near the punch bowl ("Somebody spiiiiiiiiiiike me!") and tells him that Chloe is having a great time. We see her with Pete's Foxy Lady and they're laughing it up. Pete -- wearing a red bow tie -- says he's glad Clark stepped up. Clark agrees. "Hey, I like these guys," Clark says, pointing to the band. "Yeah. REMY ZERO!" Pete yells. Now, was that really necessary? The singer from Remy Zero looks sleepy, just like Lex in this episode. Maybe shaving your head all the time requires that much extra effort. More singing. One of the guitarists seems to have stolen a hat from Jamiroquai. They finish the song and everybody applauds. Hey, at least they're not Nickelback. Remy Zero starts playing another song, a slow one. Pete alerts Clark to the fact that it's one of Chloe's favorite songs. "Why do you think I requested it?" Clark says. Clark, you dawg!

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