Sorority. Lana and the girls, playing loud rock music, are downing shots upstairs. Where da boys at? Lana howl/giggles, and it's horrifying. "Looks like we picked a winner!" Queen Tart tells the group. Lana sultrily says that this is so much better than sitting around listening to her boyfriend whine about his feelings. Welcome to the fold, Lana. We didn't use to call him Supermope for nothing. Queen Tart says that they eat boyfriends for breakfast around here. Lana picks up another shot and toasts, "To breakfast!" only it sounds like she's saying, "To breakfriends!" They all drink. Lana stands, but she's woozy on her feet. She wonders if she should slow down. The girls gather around her as Queen Tart tells Lana she's not one of the normal people anymore: "We do things a little more exciting." "Like what?" Lana asks. "Like this!" Tart says, giving Lana a hard backhand and sending her flying over the stair railing. Lana falls down the stairs, tumbling, landing with her arm splayed behind her head and her eyes wide open. The girls upstairs giggle. We see a wide shot of Lana's body. It's pretty twisted up. The sorority girls come downstairs. Queen Tart sashays. "Oh my God, did you see her face?" one of them asks. They mock-scream. Lana's leg is twisted behind her. Lightning flashes. Lana twitches. Her wide eyes come to life. We hear bones snap into place as she gets her body back to normal. Lana gets up, slowly. She cracks her broken neck back into place. Queen Tart says, "Didn't we tell you? You get to live forever." Lightning flashes. Zoom in on Lana, baring her Kreukferatu teeth (now even better!). More lightning. "Cool," Lana says, smiling. That actually was pretty cool.
Commercials. So, Cingular? I'm thinking of switching over. Let's talk after the show.
If you're just joining us, here's some disjointed clips thrown together rapidly to give you an epileptic fit. You're welcome. The show logo has a moon behind it and some little fangs popping out in quick flashes.
Chloe's dorm. She's talking to Clark on the phone and telling him she doesn't know what's up with Lana. She says she went to visit, and one of the "pretty plastic people" told her Lana was asleep. It was 3 in the afternoon. Must be hard for these girls to get to class. Clark, at home, says he tried calling, but Lana won't pick up. He wonders if she needs a little space. In a coffin? Chloe says that maybe Lana needs deprogramming. She says she did some research and thinks there's more going on at the sorority house than pedicures and pillow fights. I would be perfectly fine if it were just the pillow fights. (Chloe's room is a bit of a mess, by the way.) Chloe starts to suggest that Clark get over there when there's a sudden whoosh of papers in the room and Clark has suddenly appeared. That's a three-hour trip. He can get there instantaneously now? "Hey," Clark says. Chloe is seriously startled. "What do you got?" Clark asks. "Besides a heart attack?" Chloe replies. Chloe tells Clark that, six years ago, the sorority was normal; then they got a new president. "Buffy Saunders," Clark says. Chloe says that, after that, they became the most exclusive sorority at Met U. So exclusive that someone with no money, no parents with connections, and a reputation as a failed cheerleader could get in. Chloe says that Tri Psi gets the most pledges of any sorority, but only takes in one person a year. And none of them ever leaves. Clark asks if that's why Lana's been acting weird. Chloe says there's only one way to find out. She hands Clark a flyer for the sorority's big Halloween bash. Of course! Stuff like this always works on TV! "Costume party?" Clark asks. Clark says he hates costumes.