A typed title card reads, "TRI PSI SORORITY, METROPOLIS UNIVERSITY." Chloe snarks that she thinks it's Greek for "bimbos, bikinis, and beer." Playful pop music plays as we go from the photo file to the actual mansion. Cut to the front door, where a blond pizza delivery boy has brought the pie in twenty-eight minutes, he says, "Piping --" He looks up from the pizza box to see three sorority girls in bikinis (two blondes and a brunette, which is a good ratio in my book) thrusting our their chests and flashing their belly rings. The pizza boy does a funny "homina homina..." take, finishing his thought with a roughly exhaled "-- hot!" One of the spokesactresses twirls her hair and says they're "so starving." Pizza Guy's mouth is wide open. Blondie steps forward and suggests that they eat in the Jacuzzi. You'll get a cramp! From the syphilis!
The girls lead Pizza Guy inside and squeal as they hop. Mmm, bunnies. Very nice panoramic shot of the sorority house's rear panning down to the round Jacuzzi, which is decked out with dozens of candles around it. Everybody's giggling as the camera slowly lowers and turns. Nice shot, Smallville. Pizza Guy says he really should be getting back. Yeah, Mookie, where've you been all day? Taking a shower? Running ice all over Rosie Perez? Hanging with Radio Raheem? One of the girls asks if Pizza Guy can stay just for a little bit. As the other two girls nuzzle with him, he says he could maybe stay just for a minute, since that's about how long he'll last with three girls. Did he really think he was going to go back to work when he took off his clothes and jumped in the water? He asks about the pizza. He's a craftsman; respect the work. Blondie says he tastes much better than pepperoni. And there doesn't appear to be a spot of oil on him. The girl in front of him gives him a sultry look, purses her lips, and goes underwater. Look, I'm a simple man. A journalist. I don't know much about the ins and outs of the pizza delivery industry. But I'm quite confident in saying that no pizza chain operating in North America today offers a compensation package sufficient to keep a teenage employee from turning down a blowjob. Maybe that's what's wrong with the pizza industry. (Or what's so, so right.) Pizza Guy has a moment of "Whoa!," but it turns to "Accckkk!" almost as quickly. Girl's got an overbite, I guess. The girl to the right of Pizza Guy bares some nicely done fangs. So does the other girl. They both move in to bite him, and we see very dark blood splash against the box of "Pete's Pizza," which bears the face of a Mario Bros.-looking Italian stereotype and not our beloved Product Placement Pete, which would have fit even more nicely. I should point out that, in high school, I was in a production of Dracula playing Jonathan Harker and I had to perform a similar scene of lady vampires lying me down and going for the neck. It was grueling, but somehow I got through it. I was rooting for Pizza Guy here, obviously. More shots of carnage as Pizza Guy screams "No!" and flails. Back to the overhead shot as the water turns bloody. That's the thing about this show: they never linger too long on implications of a blowjob. Maybe that's how it got to Season 5 while Sex, Love and Secrets bit the dust. Opening credits.