Metropolis U. dorms. We pan across a mini version of the Wall of Weird, complete with stories about dangerous frogs and meteor attacks. Some chica with curly brown hair is taking stuff down off the walls. Chloe walks in and asks what the girl is doing. The girl says she's redecorating. Chloe complains that it's her side of the room. Mad Chica says that she has to look at it. She complains that she didn't get through four years of high-school misery to look at this freaky shit. Chloe tries to say something, and Chica stops her with a wagging finger. Must be because she's fiery. She tells Chloe that while they're on the subject of roommate etiquette, Chloe needs to take care of "Miss..." and something that sounds like "enfembria gata" over here. Let's pause. I know this is Spanish, but if she's trying to say "sick cat," it would be "gata enferma." Maybe this is some Puerto Rican dialect I don't get, but straight-up Spanish doesn't have an "enfembria" that I know of, and the closed caption only says, helpfully, "[Speaking Spanish]." Tambria? Fambria? Seriously, Chica, clean it up. The gata in question is Lana, who stumbles up from behind the bed into view, looking drunk. Angrily, Chica concludes, "This isn't the Betty Ford Clinic." Or the animal hospital. Lana falls on the bed. Chica exits the room in a blaze of Latina glory, never to return. Sadly. Chloe picks up a Wall of Weird clip about a two-headed monkey and says she's rather be roommates with one of those. Chloe opens up the curtains, getting sunlight all over Lana as Chloe tries to motivational-speech her awake.
Cut to Chloe in laptop/voice-over mode. She types that she can't believe she missed the signs despite her keen "weirdar." Chloe, frowning, says she defies anyone to tell the difference between a nascent vampire and a hung-over freshman girl.
Cut back to Chloe and Lana. Chloe asks whether Lana had class that morning. Lana mumbles. Chloe congratulates Lana for already being sorority material. Lana pulls a comforter over her head. Chloe laughs. Clark shows up, knocking on the door, which is ajar. He asks if Lana's there. "Yeah," says Chloe, smiling and running to the door, "what's left of her." Chloe suggests Clark try to breathe some life into Lana. She says she's going to the library to research ways to kill her roommate. Not the cleverest sendoff for Chloe, but whatever.
Clark sits at the bed and pulls back the comforter. Lana winces. Clark asks if Lana had a rough night. She says it's all a little fuzzy. She gets up and walks tiredly across the room. Clark asks if she got the messages he left for her. Lana sighs and says she hasn't checked her voicemail. "Sorry," she manages. Clark asks if she's all right. She tries to drink something, but makes a face as if it tastes awful. "I'm just...feeling a bit dead," she says. Lana smells something and turns. She's suddenly wide awake. She sniffs all the way to Clark's neck. "God," she giggles, "you smell amazing." She asks if that's a new aftershave. "No, it's just..." Clark begins, before going all aglaze as Lana starts kissing his neck. He says it's the usual. "Maybe we should try something unusual," she says. "Lana," Clark says. Then she pushes him roughly against a desk and tells him to shut up: "You talk too much." Lana fully has my support on this one. She starts to kiss him roughly as he tries to say her name and get her to back off. There's a word for this. "Cockthirsty." He asks what's going on with her. Lana says that they're not in high school anymore: "Things change. Live a little. I plan to." Clark says he can see that things have changed; as to living a little, he asks, "What does that mean?" It's awfully funny the way he says it. Lana says she means it like she said it: "If you're gonna be all needy and insecure maybe we need to re-evaluate this relationship." You all know I've had my issues with Lana in the past, but this version? Lana 666.0? Kind of rocks! The next bit is silly. Lana slips on some dark sunglasses and walks away like she's in the community theater production of Grease. (We did that one in high school, too.)