Smallville
Thirst

Episode Report Card
Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!
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LuthorCorp plant. A giant ad for Supernatural takes up a third of my screen. Jesus, Padalecki and Ackles, would you please get lost for just an hour? Thumping music plays as, inside the plant, SoFine is caressing the not-so-secret spaceship. Lex's security guy has a gun drawn on SoFine, and given the angle in which he appears, it's like SoFine had to walk right past the guy without noticing him for this to make sense. The guard tells SoFine not to put his hands on things that aren't his. SoFine turns and says, "Actually...it is mine." The camera pivots as we see the back of the guard. A metal spike suddenly pierces through his back. We continue turning to see that the spike is coming out of SoFine's finger in a not-so-subtle T2 reference. SoFine pulls back on the spike, and it disappears into his hand as the guard, bloody, falls. SoFine does a bit of a head tilt, and then turns to walk back toward the ship.

Chloe voice-over scene. Chloe says she Googled "vampire." Her image search shows what look like old encyclopedia photos of bats and old rituals. Chloe tells us stuff we already know about the bloodsuckers. Chloe the Omniscient says that Lana is about to find out about the immortality part the hard way. How was Chloe able to reconstruct all these scenes if Lana's memory is so fuzzy later on? ["She decided to get her job at the paper the Jayson Blair way?" -- Wing Chun]

Sorority. Lana and the girls, playing loud rock music, are downing shots upstairs. Where da boys at? Lana howl/giggles, and it's horrifying. "Looks like we picked a winner!" Queen Tart tells the group. Lana sultrily says that this is so much better than sitting around listening to her boyfriend whine about his feelings. Welcome to the fold, Lana. We didn't use to call him Supermope for nothing. Queen Tart says that they eat boyfriends for breakfast around here. Lana picks up another shot and toasts, "To breakfast!" only it sounds like she's saying, "To breakfriends!" They all drink. Lana stands, but she's woozy on her feet. She wonders if she should slow down. The girls gather around her as Queen Tart tells Lana she's not one of the normal people anymore: "We do things a little more exciting." "Like what?" Lana asks. "Like this!" Tart says, giving Lana a hard backhand and sending her flying over the stair railing. Lana falls down the stairs, tumbling, landing with her arm splayed behind her head and her eyes wide open. The girls upstairs giggle. We see a wide shot of Lana's body. It's pretty twisted up. The sorority girls come downstairs. Queen Tart sashays. "Oh my God, did you see her face?" one of them asks. They mock-scream. Lana's leg is twisted behind her. Lightning flashes. Lana twitches. Her wide eyes come to life. We hear bones snap into place as she gets her body back to normal. Lana gets up, slowly. She cracks her broken neck back into place. Queen Tart says, "Didn't we tell you? You get to live forever." Lightning flashes. Zoom in on Lana, baring her Kreukferatu teeth (now even better!). More lightning. "Cool," Lana says, smiling. That actually was pretty cool.

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Smallville

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