Commercials. Victoria's Secret? Oh, crap, I forgot to get a Valentine's Day gift! For Adriana Lima! Be right back.
Lair of Lex. I don't know if those curved maroon chairs in front of his desk are new, but I know I like them. Lex is wearing a casual long-sleeved shirt, and is talking on the phone at his desk. He asks someone how hard it is to find a college professor in a dirt state. Is "dirt state" like a state of being dead and buried? Is that like a "dirt nap"? He tells the person on the phone that he wants Professor SoFine located, or else the person on the phone will be missing. Lana appears in the doorway of the large double doors. Lex hangs up the phone. "Lana," he says. Ya think? On this show? Lex senses that something is wrong. Lana, hands dug into her pockets, tells Lex that Chloe is in the hospital; she says that Chloe tried to kill herself. Lex takes a tiny moment to wonder if that would help or hurt him, then looks concerned and asks if she's all right. Lana's not really sure. I think that, after the last scene, the correct answer would be, "No. She's really not." Lana says that Chloe was talking crazy, and that they sedated her. "Who's her doctor?" Lex asks. Everyone on this show should be on a first-name basis with every doctor in the state of Kansas by now. Lana says that it's some psychiatrist at the medical center. She says that's why she came to visit Lex: she's wondering if the doctors at Belle Reve really helped Lex when he was staying there. Lex thinks about that. "I'll make the call," he says. Junior-level evil! Lex says that Chloe will have the best doctors this side of Vienna helping her. I'm sure they'd settle for the best doctors this side of Tennessee. Lana thanks Lex for the help. Wow, it's awesome that Lana and Lex get to decide Chloe's course of medical treatment, not her doctor or her damn father.
Chloe is in a more sealed-off medical area now. Clark watches her through a small window in the door. These medical patients don't care that anyone can just walk by and watch them in their thin little hospital gowns? We get the reverse angle of Clark from inside the room. Lex walks up behind Clark. Man, how many episodes has it been since these two guys saw each other? Ooh, post-breakup. "Lex, what are you doing here?" Clark asks. Lex plays the jealousy card, starting off by saying that Lana came to see him. Clark thanks Lex for coming by, but says that they have things under control. Wow, that's a complete lie, because they really, really don't. Lex besmirches the good name of the medical center and says that if Chloe sprained something, maybe they could handle it, but that complete and utter bugfuckery requires a more delicate touch. Lex says that Chloe will get the best care available. "You're going to transfer her?" Clark says angrily, stepping forward. Lex steps past Clark to look through the window. He says that a helicopter is en route to take Chloe to Belle Reve. Clark, alarmed, says that Chloe doesn't belong there. "Lana thinks so," Lex tells him. Lex turns and says, rationally, that it must be hard for Clark to see the person he trusts most in the world like this. Lex puts a hand on Clark's shoulder and reassures him with the old warm-eyes. It's the Gayest Look of the Episode. Lex promises that they'll take good care of Chloe. Thunderous music, then actual thunder plays as Clark watches Chloe. It's a bit much.