The Barnness of Embezzlementude. Clarkionel is calling his bank account again, this time with the recorder handy to say the right code words. You mean to tell me the operator doesn't pick up on the fact that it's a completely different voice? The operator tells Clarkionel that his account currently has $2.59. Hey, that was my account balance all through my first three years out of college! "No! No, no!" Clarkionel says. He tells the woman he had $57 million. The woman tells him that a withdrawal for that amount was made two months ago. The customer support doesn't seem very robust for an account worth multimillions. "The day I was convicted," Clarkionel whispers to himself. He squeezes the phone till it breaks apart in his hand. "Lex!" he hisses. "Sprint PCS!" I add. The "Can you hear me now?" guy suddenly feels a piercing, stabbing pain in his heart and falls down dead. Someone walks into the barn. It's Lana Lang. Clarkionel looks over his shoulder at her, looks back our way, and sighs. "This one," he says with a tone of supreme annoyance. Yes! Score one for the Lana-hating fans.
Al Gough: Here, fandom people. Have a bone.
Miles Millar: I hope you choke on it.
Al: Don't you see how much easier life would be if you just succumb to the Pink?
Miles: It's black, now, Al. We changed her wardrobe. Remember how you wanted them to deliver all her old pink clothes to your house?
Al: Shut up!
Lana apologizes for the night before, or at least the way Clarkionel found out about her relationship with Jason. "You'll get over it," he says, rubbing a neck that should never be sore and throwing down the broken cell phone pieces on a table. Lana tries to explain that she and Jason had been dating since Paris. "How romantic," Clarkionel says sarcastically. He's still thinking about his ton o' money. Lana continues to try to praise Jason. She tells Clarkionel that Jason moved to town to be with her, and that things are serious. The wheels in Clarkionel's mind turn. He starts to smooth-talk her in much the same way he did Chloe, telling her that any man would travel around the world to..."pluck [her] succulent fruit." Lana gets really annoyed. "Don't talk to me like that," she says, and walks past him. Clarkionel chuckles and says he can't help it. "Sorry," he says, smiling. Lana asks him to promise not to say anything about her and Jason. In the Gayest Line Reading of the Episode, Clarkionel says, "I don't understand why you're interested in this high-school football coach." I mean, gawd! He's so butch! Clarkionel asks if she has any idea what Clark has to offer. "Yeah, yeah, I think I do," Lana says, finding her inner Warrior Countess. "Lies. And secrecy." Secwets! Wies! It's tewwible! Lana tells Clarkionel that he's the one who broke up with her. Clarkionel says that he was young and stupid. Now he's more mature. Lana says she's not so sure. He wants to show her. He leans in. When he pauses, Lana grits her teeth. He forces a kiss on her. She pulls back and slaps him, hard. "Who the hell do you think you are?" she rages. He's smiling. She storms out. "Clark Kent," Clarkionel says, rubbing his chin and relishing the moment, "of course." Diabolical! He's Clark Kent, bitch! I love it!