"Clark?" we hear. It's MamaKent, coming upstairs. Clarkionel hangs up the phone hurriedly. "Martha," Clarkionel says heartily. MamaKent asks him to call her "Mom," no matter how old he gets. "Shore," Clarkionel says, and then correct himself: "Sure." All right, for those of us who've been watching John Glover on the show for three years now, this is a treat. MamaKent asks if Clark is going out: he's dressed in khakis and a nice blue shirt. "No no," Clarkionel says in a perfect Papa Luthor voice. He says he's bored with plaid. Clarkionel suddenly zips across the room and grabs a lamp. I thought it was because MamaKent had knocked it over, when I saw this scene the first time, but she's nowhere near it. I guess he just discovered his superspeed. MamaKent asks what he's doing. I'd like to know, too. He tells her he just wanted to tell her how beautiful she looks today, "...Mom." She says something's not right. She detects something in his eyes. Clarkionel looks at her intensely. MamaKent asks if it has something to do with the ringing he heard earlier. "I don't know," Clarkionel says. He puts on a big pout and extends his arms. "I need a hug," he says. This is fucking hilarious. MamaKent hugs him. He smells her hair and gets all intimate. It is icky. His eyes glow red, and suddenly he eyejaculates out the barn window! Ewwww! The fireballs alarm the cows and light a tractor on fire. "What's gotten into you?" MamaKent exclaims. She tells Clark to jump down there and put out the fire. "Put it out?" he asks. "How?" "With your hands," MamaKent tells him. Huh. Hands.

Downstairs. MamaKent is working on some vegetables. Clarkionel walks in, rubbing his hands and chuckling. I hope that putting out the fire was all he did with those powerful mitts. He picks up a kitchen towel and starts to wipe his hands. MamaKent scolds him, and tells him to go upstairs to clean up. He did that in his nice blue shirt? He got it a little dirty. Bo walks into the kitchen with frequent houseguest Jason Teague. He came to check on Clark again. Jason has a crush, I think. Clarkionel makes faces throughout the next exchange: Bo pats Clarkionel on the back twice. Clarkionel turns right back around and does the same thing to Bo, in a humorously patronizing way. The entire show should just be about Clark and Papa Luthor switching bodies all the time. Jason asks how his star quarterback is doing. Clarkionel makes small talk. Jason says that Clarkionel is looking at him like he doesn't know who he is. Clarkionel stumbles a bit but recovers nicely: "I know who you are..." He looks at the words "Assistant Coach" on Jason's jacket. "You're my coach," Clarkionel says. Bra-vo. It's good of him not to rub in "Assistant" on "Assistant Coach." Jason tells Clark that he'll see him at practice the next day. Clarkionel does a prissy head shake and says he doesn't think he'll make it. Jason says it's pretty important and could earn Clark a scholarship. Clarkionel rushes down the stairs, takes Jason by the arm, and leads him out the door while telling him he has no interest in football whatsoever. Jason stops Clarkionel, who looks supremely annoyed to have any more of his time wasted. Jason says that lots of guys on the team would kill to be in Clark's position. Or in a position with Clark. "You just want to quit the team?" Jason asks. Clarkionel: "Precisely." Door slam. Jason got told.