Episode Report Card
Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!
Liver Let Die

Prison. Clarkionel meets with Nebbishy Ned. Ned asks if that's really Papa Luthor in that body. "No, it's the Easter Bunny," Clarkionel says, without the usual Magnificent Bastard level of wit. He asks what Ned found and what the rest of the code says. Ned says it turns out that the transference is temporary. He says that the switch back could happen at any time. Clarkionel says there must be a way to make it permanent. Ned can't think of one offhand. "Save murder," Ned says. Theoretically, he means, just talking off the top of his head, if you kill the person off, you'd have no body to return to, so...brilliant! Ned keeps babbling. Clarkionel asks what happened to the body-transferring rock. Ned says that the guards took it from him. "Yeah, they thought it was a weapon," he says bitterly. I love this guy. He's awesome.

The Big House. Papa Clark is wandering around near the weightlifters and other riff-raff in orange. Old Rob Zombie puts a hand on his shoulder. "Time's up, Trump," Rob Zombie says. For a tough guy to be slightly shorter than the guy he's intimidating doesn't really work well here. Papa Clark says he's still trying to get that money. He asks for a few more days. In football terms, Clark Kent may or may not be able to understand, Zombie says there's no overtime here: "Just Sudden Death." With that, he pulls out a big-ass shiv. Papa Clark tries to run away but, damn, it's a prison. There are thugs crowding him in at all sides. Zombie lunges with the shiv. Papa Clark dodges, grabs the hand with the weapon, and bangs it against a rail. Papa Clark gets punched a few times for his troubles. He lands on some stairs. Zombie is handed his fallen shiv by an associate and goes for Papa Clark's throat. They struggle. Papa Clark elbows him in the face, kicks him the chest, and then follows through with a punch and a slamming-the-head-on-the-rail. "This is a lockdown!" somebody calls out weakly. Zombie gets the final blow of his ass kicking. All the convicts start yelling, "No!" as the overhead camera crane of victory descends upon the victorious Papa Clark. They convicts keep yelling. Guards come in and a fight breaks out. A buzzer sounds.

In the visiting room, Nebbishy Ned notices the alarm. He says, "That's never good." He asks Clarkionel why his lawyers never called. Clarkionel ignores him and goes to find out what's up with that alarm. "So, should I call you?" Ned asks.

You know what this lockdown needs? Some cheesy rock music to make it more fun! As people whale on guards and people beat the living shit out of each other, peppy rock music plays. One guard is thrown over a rail, surely to some debilitating injury. It's Mayhem Lite. Now, why are the convicts fighting each other, too? And where did all this paper come from? Papa Clark walks calmly through all of this chaos. He sees his own face in Clarkionel, who is walking in bad-ass slow motion and not getting attacked at all. Slow motion is over when Clarkionel zips into the room to face off (er, "Face/Off") with his old body. Papa Clark holds out his empty hands. "What happened to concealing your powers?" he asks. Clarkionel does his Darth Vader move and picks him up by the neck. "Sorry, only one Clark allowed," he says. I don't see that catchphrase catching on like wildfire. Papa Clark, still held up by the neck, asks if Clarkionel is going to go to high school and stack hay for the rest of your life. Isn't it senior year? What the hell is Papa Clark talking about? Clarkionel says, "A farmboy? I don't think so. I have big plans for this Clark Kent." Papa Clark holds his hand to the side, and the charmed body-switching rock falls from his armpit. Ewwww! I bet it smells like baby farts. Papa Clark brings up the rock, which is already starting to glow, and holds it onto Clarkionel's choking hand. The CGI green cloud surrounds them, and their spirit bodies do a little mid-air dance before entering back into their rightful bodies. Clark Kent's spirit doesn't want to go back. "It's so stupid in here!" the spirit wails before going back home. Chaos continues to riot around them. Papa Luthor opens his eyes, back in his own body and looking sick as a dog, at least temporarily. He looks at his own hand as the rock music continues to blare. Guards in riot suits enter the room. Clark does his own wake-up discovery. He looks at his hand, too. Are they studying life-lines? Tear gas is let loose in the room. Somebody's sneaker kicks the precious body-switching artifact across the room. As the riot police go nuts, Papa Luthor sees a beatific Clark Kent bathed in light and smoke. That heavenly shape disappears in a whoosh! of superspeed. Papa Luthor is crying. It's just no goddamn fair!

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