Smallville
Transference

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Liver Let Die

"Oui oui, mademoiselle," we hear, still on Papa Clark's face in prison. It sounds like an agreement with prison bound Papa Clark's self-pitying words. We cut to a shirtless Clarkionel in the Barnness of Body Switching. Clarkionel is hunting through an old clothes chest while he talks on the phone. A woman's voice on the line asks how she can help. As he admires his own new torso in the mirror, Clarkionel tells the woman he's Papa Luthor. He gives her a code number as he flexes. He says he'd like to liquidate his accounts. As he says it, he grabs the front of his pants and takes a peek inside. Liquidated! Dirty! He tells the woman he'd like to convert his funds to Bearer Bonds. Apparently, they're being phased out, so I'm not sure that's such a good idea. She asks for a mother's maiden name. "Meehan," Clarkionel says. More flexing in the mirror. Clarkionel squeezes a football until it pops. And that's not a euphemism. The woman on the phone says there's a problem with the voice verification.

"Clark?" we hear. It's MamaKent, coming upstairs. Clarkionel hangs up the phone hurriedly. "Martha," Clarkionel says heartily. MamaKent asks him to call her "Mom," no matter how old he gets. "Shore," Clarkionel says, and then correct himself: "Sure." All right, for those of us who've been watching John Glover on the show for three years now, this is a treat. MamaKent asks if Clark is going out: he's dressed in khakis and a nice blue shirt. "No no," Clarkionel says in a perfect Papa Luthor voice. He says he's bored with plaid. Clarkionel suddenly zips across the room and grabs a lamp. I thought it was because MamaKent had knocked it over, when I saw this scene the first time, but she's nowhere near it. I guess he just discovered his superspeed. MamaKent asks what he's doing. I'd like to know, too. He tells her he just wanted to tell her how beautiful she looks today, "...Mom." She says something's not right. She detects something in his eyes. Clarkionel looks at her intensely. MamaKent asks if it has something to do with the ringing he heard earlier. "I don't know," Clarkionel says. He puts on a big pout and extends his arms. "I need a hug," he says. This is fucking hilarious. MamaKent hugs him. He smells her hair and gets all intimate. It is icky. His eyes glow red, and suddenly he eyejaculates out the barn window! Ewwww! The fireballs alarm the cows and light a tractor on fire. "What's gotten into you?" MamaKent exclaims. She tells Clark to jump down there and put out the fire. "Put it out?" he asks. "How?" "With your hands," MamaKent tells him. Huh. Hands.

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Smallville

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