Lana calls for Brady again. No answer. She walks slowly downstairs as precious minutes of airtime are wasted. That's all right. This is easier to recap. Lana notices something near the front door of the abandoned coffee shop: an upside-down chair with a red present between the legs, tied with a white bow. The present does that TV thing where the gift and the ribbon don't actually go around the box, so you can just slip the box open. Lana opens the box. She looks disgusted. Inside the box is a red teddy. (The lingerie kind, not a bear.) Lana looks in the box and finds a note. It reads, in all-caps, "I want you to wear this..." On the other side, it reads, "when I kill you." This is probably the direction America's Next Top Model should be going. Lana is terrified. A shadow approaches from behind her. She runs to the back of The Talon and exits through the back door. The photographers waiting out there are already snapping photos as they yell questions at her. Flashes flash. One photographer with a beard yells, "Miss Lang, right here!" Brady finally shows up. He grabs Lana's shoulders, and she almost stabs him with her big knife. He asks what she's doing. Lana says that someone's in the building. Brady leads her back inside and says that his men are guarding her. "Then how do you explain that?" she asks, pointing to the gift. Yeah, Brady. Just what the fuck is going on, Brady? If that's your real name! Just after Brady reads the card, they hear noises from the front door. Brady draws his gun and aims. Chloe walks in with the younger guard, who shall be known as Security Eyebrows. (He was also a smarmy young agent on Entourage.) "What's going on?" he asks. Why do these guys all have earpieces if they're not going to tell each other when they're entering the building to bring Chloe home? Brady says that they have a serious problem. Everyone tries to look concerned even though it's late in the sixth season and it's just a little hard to even give a shit anymore. Luckily, commercials help.
Episode Report Card887 USERS: C+
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