Smallville
Unsafe

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
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Think Unsexy Thoughts

Paulie Walnuts is doing Burger King commercials? This fills me with sadness.

The Barnness of Blowjob-Avoiditude. Clark is wishing he had the superpower to kick himself. He stomps up to his loft as creepy music plays. His telescope, sadly, is pointing up toward the sky. Clark is messing with a ballpoint pen when a sultry voice behind him asks what the town's star quarterback is doing home alone on a Saturday night. Uh...nothing! Why? What did you see? The camera is super-tight on Clark's face as a shadowy woman in a skirt and fugly furry boots stands in the shadows. She emerges. It's KentFan! Cute white top, though. Clark turns to her. We get a rare tight shot of the back of his neck. She stays back and says she's surprised he remembers her name. Clark asks how he could forget. They made out! And got busted! "You tried to kill me," Clark says. Oh yeah. That, too. And Lana. So it kind of evens out then, huh? KentFan looks away. Clark says he'd ask how she escaped, but figures that's pretty obvious. She tells him she didn't; they let her free. She says she's cured. Clark nods, unconvinced. Clark says KentFan could have called instead of teleporting in to his loft. Man, what a dick. Do you ever call people before you whoosh into or out of a scene? I didn't think so. Douche. KentFan says she borrowed her mom's car and drove. I guess her mom forgave her pretty quickly for putting her dad in the hospital.

KentFan holds up her left hand. There's a black strip around her wrist. She says it's a gift from her doctor. Trace amounts of lead are released into her system, keeping her from teleporting. And it reduces her lifespan by about fifty years. Clark says he's glad they think she's better. Not "I'm glad you're better." Asshole. Clark says that doesn't change what happened. KentFan says she knows that. She apologizes for what she put Clark through. She steps forward while saying he's the last person she wanted to hurt. Clark turns away. She does a cute lean-forward, smiling, and says that Clark didn't answer her question. Why is he up there alone on a Saturday night? Damn you, Trig! Clark licks his lips. He tries to sound convincing when he says that maybe he prefers to be alone. Ew. He's asexual like Morrissey. "Because of your secret?" KentFan asks. Clark looks convincingly surprised. KentFan tells him not to worry. She didn't tell anyone. She says she promised. Clark shakes his head, but she stops him. She says that knowing someone out there was different, like she is, comforted her while she was at Belle Reve: "In my darkest moment, you gave me hope, Clark." And, what do we have here? Is this burning an eternal flame? No, wait, that's just Lex. Clark's mouth twitches. KentFan turns to leave. She starts walking down the stairs and says, "Bye." That was absolutely the best move, right there. Never let a guy get tired of you being in his loft.

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Smallville

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