Smallville
Unsafe

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Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
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Think Unsexy Thoughts

MamaKent is pouring from a huge pitcher of orange juice the next morning in the kitchen. The camera moves up to graze her ample bosom (hey, I didn't shoot the fucking scene, so stop looking at me like that), and then moves over to look at Bo Duke, while we're on the subject of boobs. Bo is asking, incredulously, if they just let KentFan teleport out of Belle Reve. Clark tries to explain about the lead bracelet, and says that KentFan doesn't seem as dangerous anymore. MamaKent says it wasn't just the powers that made her dangerous -- it was her obsession. Remember that episode title, Clark? While you're at it, don't get mixed up with anyone who "Accelerates," anyone who's "Dichotic," or anyone who's "Hotheaded." Bo is mad that KentFan knows Clark's secret. Clark says she kept that secret for over a year. He wonders if maybe she's really cured. Oh, and could you pass the ham? I think that's cured, too. MamaKent says she knows how much Clark wants to be with someone he doesn't have to lie to (she glances at Bo Duke as she says it, as if daring him to lie about what he was really doing out in the pasture last night), but she doesn't think KentFan is the one. Clark asks if he should wait till the next cute girl with special abilities comes and knocks on his door. Shit, pick up a comic book. They're everywhere, Clark. Maybe you should try something in an Amazonian chick with a lasso. Bo says that Clark knows what the girl did: "She needs to be in an institution." I guess Bo's not big on rehabilitation. Clark asks why they let her out of Belle Reve, then. Bo has a mental fart that I can smell through the TV. Clark asks, "What if she really is better?" MamaKent asks, "What if she isn't?" But, hey, what if she is? On the other hand, "Isn't?" But still..."Is?" You've got a good argument with "Isn't," though. Bo, wanna weigh in on this? "Burgundy," he thinks. Clark stares, blankly. It's not hard.

At the newsroom of The Torch. Chloe has once again stepped on a ladder to climb high above the law in searching for someone's medical records, this time those of "Alicia Baker," a.k.a. KentFan. For all the shit that Chloe and Clark give each other and other people about not invading privacy, they sure don't have a problem delving into someone else's medical history. What if they saw "scorching gonorrhea" on someone's chart? I think that would go a little something like this: "Isn't." "Damn I'm good," Chloe says, as she pulls up the information online, using, what, Kazaa or BitTorrent? She downloaded it from "supermedicalrecords.org." Chloe gleefully reads the diagnosis. Blah blah blah psychoticepisodecakes. "That's our girl," she says, smiling a lot considering that she's talking about a girl Clark almost boffed last time she was around. Just under KentFan's record, Chloe has also pulled up the file of Evil Peter Horton. God, he looks like he should be in some old French painting, locked in a crotch-clutch with Duke Louis of Nice. "Who's that guy?" Clark asks. Why, you interested? Chloe says it's "Dr. William McBride." Chloe says she's heard of this guy: He graduated from Harvard in two years with "more degrees than a thermometer." It was all over the community papers, right under the elementary-school lunch menus. Chloe asks what the psychiatrist said about KentFan. Chloe scrolls up half a screen to find that very answer. Chloe is surprised to see that the doctor claims KentFan is cured. She looks skeptical, though. Clark marvels: "She was telling the truth." "Is!" He turns and smiles. "I'm totally going to get laid," he almost says to Chloe. Again uncharacteristically, Chloe grins as she surmises that it's exactly what Clark wanted to hear. While she's online, she should try using BitTorrent to download her old spine back.

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Smallville

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