Smallville

Episode Report Card
Tippi Blevins: C+ | 1261 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Zod & Kal-El Go to White Castle

Lois drives up in her car and sees the smoking remains of the shipping container. Why is she just now driving up? Where was she before, if she's the one who took John there? Why do I even care? She gets out of the car, calling out for John. He calls back to her from somewhere within an adjacent warehouse: "Lois, stay away!" She calls to him again and again he warns her away. She goes looking for him anyway and finds him stark naked. Either the fire burned off his pants or he pooped himself in the blast and wanted to change. He holds a small crate in front of his groinal area. "Glad to see you're looking so good," Lois says. "Thanks," he says shyly. "You look pretty good, too." She clarifies that didn't quite mean it like that. Looking away, she takes off her coat and hands it to him. He thinks they should get out of there before the Blur comes back. "The Blur did this to you?" Lois asks, stunned. John has no idea how the Blur tracked him down so Lois stammers some blather about how he may have been following a "well-meaning source." "And," she adds, "you did kind of go 'phantom of the boiler room' last time you entered stage right." He stares at her and wishes the blast had taken out his eardrums.

Underground lab. Chloe skulks around, shining a flashlight over the disarray of upended tables and equipment. A dozen or so monitors are on, but show only static. Tess emerges from the darkness behind Chloe. "Last time I checked, this was private property." Chloe turns to face her with a smirk. "Looks like Tess Mercer's skeleton is finally crawling out of the closet." Say what? Tess chuckles. "Speaking of being 'hidden in the closet,' how's Oliver doing these days?" Out and proud, thanks. Chloe doesn't rise to the bait, though, and instead turns the conversation to Checkmate. "That must really suck to be on the outs of your own walls," Chloe says with obvious enjoyment. Tess thinks Chloe should know from experience, and somehow manages to discern that Clark must have found her Kryptonite stash since she's not "cuddling up" to her own computers. The dialog is bad, the logic is bad, let's just press on. Chloe seems to agree with me and drops the verbal sparring. The lab is the last place she sent Clark, she says. She peers around with her flashlight some more and sees a blob of red Kryptonite. "I should have known Clark took a walk down the ruby red road," she sighs. "That explains his lack of edit button." Tess is confused until Chloe explains that red meteor turns Clark into a bad, bad boy. I'm sure Tess, upstanding citizen that she is, will never use that knowledge to her benefit. The conversation segues awkwardly into Tess knowing Clark isn't her "knight in shining armor." "Which is why I made my own all-purpose bodyguard." Instead of latching onto this revelation, Chloe makes a dig about Clark outing himself and the Kryptonians. They come to the realization that they need to work together. Or something.

Smallville

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